feeling beta

today do lots of stufff
wake up early play soccer.. no skill liao la.. gt lots of chance but nv convert.. lousy me
oo play to lunch time.. but i go eat lunch with 1 of my gd buddy,,
eat talk.. lol tok abt life.. hmm he feel abt the same with me.. hmm but he gt solution to solve the prob while i dun haf the courage or willto solve it.. 1of my bad faults.. hmm i rather let ting happen to me more than i go make thing to happen.. guess i react rather can propose...

guess the sheer thinking of life or the future of urself happen to every1 when they reach certain age after u finished sstudying..

ahhh 1oof some best advice given to me is dun tink too much.... say this is just life..

lol lol i duno wat to tink la.. i alway is a confusd emotionally weak person.. feel i super inferior..

hmm. den after tok tok go home rest awhile den come out again
.. go paya lebar play billards.. lol sit kfc for awhile to rot..haha ..
den go watch soccer..

funny thing happen : the lottery ntuc auntie asked if i m 18 when i buying strike.. haha wah i look so young ah..

even my fren say i look young n cute.. look like teeenager sia when i m bald..haha
stuPId la..

i wan find something tat will make my life a wonderful thing in earth.. wat is tat thing?

can i live to 21??

today celebrate tan weelung birthday.. haha. he finally 20..lol

morning 10am rush to toa payoh..kaoz.. do shit thing sia.. just go play bastketball n soccer.. teampines to toa payoh.. so far

play to 3 den take cab back home.. den nap for awhile.. den go tampines mall n century square.. we go eat billy bomer n catch a move later.. ahh.. nice watresses.. food okok la.. make me feel full.. i eat something called mini mixed grill thing.. =x.. like rojak sia.. sauasage lamb chop chiceken thing lucnhenon meat.. egg.. funi.. high class.. get my first ns pay so can go eat...

any speial feelings? hmm gd to see old frens. but somehow ppl r getting on with their lifes.. while i m still stuck.. hey i m still stuck here.. wat should i do.. wat should i say.. i still feel ever so distant.. like i living on another world.. i feel i m dazing ard frm the first day of ns.. my section mate alway mention it to me i wasd like alwat sitting with my eyes dazed n looking "nt there" .. it is like i m dispossessed frm my body.. m i going crazy? can i ever get my soul back?

i tink i gt serious problem..
can some1 save me? can some1 tell me wat wrong with me?
hmm.. i reali hope something some1 will show wat will happen to me to next few years..

can i ever b somebody or b a nobody? i rather b a nobody den b a dead person

cherish ur life?? wat ur life?

hmmm.. once again i feel life is so worthless..
now i experience army life..
i feel even more sian n useless..
alot ting i cannt do.. alot of thing i wan try but dun haf courage..
sometime i wonder wat i live for why i live for...
army life is a prison
no freedom to do things..
if unfair thign happen to u, u just haf lan lan.. bear with it...
becoz life continue..
breakfast lunch dinner night snack==> 1 day
ahh.. 2 yrs of disclipined n taking responsibity..
den many more yrs of my life taking responsibity as a adult..
doing thing nt my will but is becoz of circumstances...
trying to eke out a living on my own..
i feel i haf no aim le..
feel i vastly inferior to other ppl
i reali wonder why i live..
can't any1 let me die..
just let me die...
i dun wan tink.. i dun wan grow..
ahh.. maybe is just my immature tinking.. i oso duno why i tink like this...
i just feel growing up is a painful process..
i fear for my future...
i dun haf lot of frens.. every1 is bz with their lifes
family.. they more n more negrossed in their own things le..
they still care for me i noe..
but i feel more distant

i cannt take it.. gif me something to live for.. oh god tell me something.. hint me.. why n wat should i live for now

finally i released...=).. but now i m bking in soon..lol

hmm.. yesterday book out.. my first book out.. i feel hapi when i first step on the singapore soil..haha... i almost wan to shout" i home"..lol

den take a bus to pasir ris interchange..lol... den see my first taxi.. my first lorry.. my first hdb flats.. my first condo...

lol..lol.. when i reach paisr ris interchnage, i almost burst into tears inside..:P den quickly go home.. den see my loved com.. den use it.. LOL... but no 1 is online.. except a few nt so close netfrens.. so sian 1/2..

but nvm.. play gb.. lol.. den went out to eat fast food with family.. lol den go watch movie with frens.. loiter ard.. 10 plus i reach home.. den online lo.. nt bad la.. see lianjiejie..... chat chat lo..play play gb.. time pass fast.. feel so stranges towards com..hmmm feel very tired after 11plus..omg.. must b i alway so early slp.. but haha.. i tahan to 2am lehz....see lijun online so late ard 12 i tink... haha she send me yanzi songs.. but Hmmm... tink less 1 song.. tot gt 12 tracks..

hmm.. den wake up at 6 am..haha... kaoz... .. but ah feel sian n duno wat to do..hmm army training..lol.. wake up early sure gt ting to do.. now nthg to do.. feel so funi..i lay at my bed trying to slp but couldnt...hmmm.. feel so sian..

den 12.. i go beach road with chenwei.. wait for cw for 1 hr.. pro.. he so late..-.-..waste my 1 hr.. but hmm gt alot of chio bu seee...hhee.. n they look at me..omg.. i the bald 1 with cap..so eye catching

den bought my stuff.. eat lunch with him.. den go home liao.. den use com until now.. now is abt 630pm.. going in soon.. haiz..time pass so fast.... i going into tekong soon..

life in tekong i alreadi accustomed.. although very strict.. but sometime will haf its light hearted moments.. tink i will miss the days inside... hmmm hope i can survive for 3 more wks la.. den graduate .. den get gd postting.. so that i can alway online to late late..=)

i will b back in singapore on wed nite or latest thursday morning.. i wish today is dec 3..lol.. hey take care of urselves.. i will tahan inside n b hapi inside

last day of freedom

hmm now is 1200am .. i start to write this.. i feel headache n duno wat feeling.. i tink is very down feeling..

today bz day.. i keep reviewing wat to buy n check n check again.. n buy n buy again.. siao 1.. make my day feel bz.. n i feel very heavy-hearted n sick..

later at 745 i will take ferry to tekong n towards to my new life.. ahh.. a few of frens come encourage me.. thank u for concern..

they make me feel happier.. but.. hmm today last day.. n i nv see any netfrens ard .. only gt chienwen.. her mood oso nt gd.. she crazy la.. =x..

sad lo..no mood to play gb.. no mood to do anyting.. wan to chat with ppl.. to make me feel hapi.. buut hmm no 1 at all..

sian wor.. feel so down now.. how i going to survive in ns.. arghh..

down jincai= nt nice jincai= bad jincai

hmm should haf prepared for everything in ns ba..

i sure hope i nv leave impt thing behind..

btw, i will b away frm oct 20 to nov 6 i tink..

dun miss me.. but haiz no 1 do..the disappeared netfrens.. guess time haf wash away out frenship=)


ahhh: if u free, pls sms me.. becoz i will b very lonely n bored inside..

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