Saturday, October 13, 2007

human lives r vulnerable

human life r vulnerable. things r happening everyday.. everything happen in a sec..

things that may look rosy to u in a moment may turn sour..

these 2 wks must be one of the horrifying wks i been through

although i m hapi when i receive alot of hapi bday msgs..

i receive terrible news..

my uncle went hospital.. dear ah pek.. my father's brother.. who always treat us nice food .. win toto 4d sure gif us money or treat us dinner.. family ties family bond so impt..

yet he was diagnosed with lung cancer

i cannot do anything.. i m helpless..

hmm things oso happen in work..

the underlying frustration burst into anger. when my colleague do abit wrong. which was a small matter in retrospect, i fark them.. anger at her.. burstout. den regret.. den sian whole wkend..

monday then see her cold to me.. i get more worse. den another burst of anger

been rushing to hospital these few days..

den she been so cold to me..

total cold war to me..

been aching with pain.. those pain unable to describe when u hear her smiling or laughing.. but the person she smiling to is not u..

veri pain.. very unbearable..

den thursday uncle come out.. diagnose with lung cancer.. look weak.. veri sad.. how can life change so much.

life is vulnerable

happiness is hard to get

treasure every moment..

how much longer can u look up at the sky n smile that u r still living...

n anyway do u reali look up at the sky..

sometime caught in the pace of life..

den we forget the simple stuff of life..

when can we really find peace in mind?

i dunnoe.. i still finding .. cheers..

my life is a mess

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

sometime i feel veri unfortunate

m i being born intoa wrong family?

although i have a wonderful siblings,

but life have never given me any chances.

although i shd say i m luckier than some ppl.

but uh i still feel other ppl r luckier in their life. they r being born into better families..
i must blame my past lives. must be accumlate too mani bad karma. now must repay back.

lol come out work when i 11.. hot hot cleaning room.. do dishwashering job.. with all the chemicals n so on.

every wkend..

pri 6 play truant becoz too stress in EM1. n handling part time work. was disillusioned with life.

just do wadeva i can... score 216..

study 4 yrs in prss.. happiest when slacking. but still nid to work during wkend. not much frens.

my life then is study home work.

16 mum die.. die after my olvls.

have to work mre. mon-fri.sat sun.

shoulder more responsibilities. but still score well in olvls.

anyhow choose course. becoz no point studying veri high. oso must go work plus family may not afford.

first yr poly work. always remb i always rush to work frm 6pm. dinner time was settled in a rushh..

unfortunate to hear the place was closing down. i was paid like 3.50 a hr..

so little hor. haiss.. but then i earn euff to pay for my poly fees n additional fees.. nv work for poly yr 2 n 3

was slacking all the not much motivations to study. n nt reali my cup of tea.. just wan play...

still not bad la.. poly.. all Bs and As. onli 2 D spoil my result slip

dream of going uni. but in the end hinder by the poor results. i knew i can do better. but sumhow i just dun have the desire..

in army i rediscover my desire. my fire to become more successful. i took up courses. i promise myself to make a life for myself.

now ard 1 yr plus have passed. i still feel i a failure.. hmm i guess i made alot wrong choices.

but i feel maybe if i born into a better family, maybe i will be better?

hmm if dun need work, dun nid suffer. dun nid grow ugly toes nails. spoilt by chemicals. dun have times for making more frens. gt time to play arcade
computer games , basketball..

will have better childhood..

maybe i will be a better person..

i oso dunno why i type this. just feel life is so unfair to me.. but maybe there r poorer ppl compared to me..

i m at a crossroad.

turn left or

turn right?

some ppl just have the luck. but i feel my experiences have toughened me .

i just have to push on.. with or without u

Monday, October 08, 2007

wad to do?

life is so strange.

i tot i m a guy with no temper

but i lost my temper twice in a wk? last fri n today...

last friday becoz of that issue

today i lose it again.. issit i care for her too much

maybe i going to be a bad memory in her mind le..

maybe that is as well

maybe that will reali erase her frm my mind.

today she totally gif me the cold shoulder

i offer her sweet to her.. she reject

ask her angry or not.. she say no

but obviously she avoiding me.. she always turn her head if she see me walking past..

she dun tok to me.. she dun look at me..

eat lunch. she oso buy her own food to office..

all this let me conclude that she avoiding me..

i seriously dunnoe wad to do..

later in the evening when we going home, boss ask us to settle 1 stuff before we go.. they do it earlier .. nv inform me.. but in the end they cant finish .. i help them.. they totally ignore me..

then they finsh their stuff.. but they wan run home without helping me...

wow i help them alot of times.. but sometime once u critcise ppl, they wun forget..

they wun help me le..

i guess i learn 1 new thing.. nv criticise ppl..

haiss.. i wan solve this problem. still wan be fren with her