Thursday, May 05, 2005

a cruel parting

i did it
i deleted a socalled fren
duno why i do that
but tink she over extended my limit
i haf made many ppl angry b4
my personality nt gd 1.. but it is tough.. i will overcome any loss of frenship.i hate it when ppl insult mi.. i took it personally n i dealt it in my way.. nt a appropriate bt necessary.. guess our frenship just cant stand the test of the time.. the test of two vastly different personality..

i cant force u to accept my weak personality.. i bear with u alot le.. i let u haf alot of advanatges.. i haf in my way treat u as gd as wat i can gif to a fren.. i noe u oso bear with mi alot.. u haf blocked mi.. u haf scolded mi.. i noe it for my own gd.. i just cannt make it.. hmm i tink maybe i nt gd euff to b ur fren... i haf no regret noeing u as a fren.. becoz u haf brought me alot of happiness.. i love the way u tok.. i love the way u can seriously kill ppl with ur tongue.. i love ur wit.. chat with u is fun n happy.. testing u is even beta.. i love frenly banter.. i love to fight it out with words with ppl.. i like to say ppl to evoke a response.. duno why i do these thing.. maybe i crave attention or personally i m too self centred.. bt tat is who i m.. n i seriously dun show too much of this selfcenteredness in real life....maybe tat is becoz i too low in confidence ba that i haf to act stronger than wat i m

memories alot....found u in bluedome..follow peishan into the channel.. found the first gal to chat in the channel is u.. abrasive alreadi tat time.. stilll rmemeber i gt ur pic frm xiusen.. hmm the pic with everything erased except u.. big row tat time.. but somehow we gone through it..

online games...... tink gunbound fairyland all u intro mi.. guide mi along. play with mi.. guide my brother too.. alway can see u inside the games.. u alway play n play n play.. tat time i wonder why a gal like u can play n play so long.. alway see u there..maybe tat is the time our frenship grew ba.. tink the gal who i will miss very much frm the bluedome channel is u.. it is truly u.. no doubt i haf develop some feeling for mi.. nt the boy girl feeling.. hmm i nv wan a gf anyway n i noe i too unsuitable to haf 1.. just a bond.. a strong bond frm suaning each other.. frm me bantering with mi.. duno u can feel arnot.. u r 1 of the gal i seriously enjoyed chatting with... a bond .. but hmm u dun haf this feeling ba.. i seriously dunnoe.. u haf blocked mi countless time le.. u haf scolded mi countless time.. i duno wat to tink le.. u questioned my way of being the way i m alot of times... u noe a leopard cannt change its spot.. i can ever change.. bt i hope i can at least bring some happiness to some ppl life.. or some happiness into my perverted life.. i haf failed as a fren ...

ahh the first meeting..ktv...... i seriously tat time is very sorry toward u..
sound like i forced u to go there
alot of guys with u as the only gal..
ur singing nt bad....
no comment towards seeing u first time.. maybe abit too excited n awkward in seeing u..
u r very gracious in the way u conducted urself..
a gd chat with u with grant alongside in the arcade.. my grant afterward gt say u quite a intelligent gal to tok to
dunnoe time gone veyr fast le..
i oso dunnoe wat to write liao..
noe each other so long
maybe fate has passed us by

but hmm tink i seriously give too much out le bahz.... too much feeling

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

wat will ppl do after i gone frm this world?

seriously how do i die? how do ppl noe when they r going to die? will there a messenger of death to tell them their time is up? hmm or simply becoz thier will to live has alreadi evaporate so they just go like this..

when my mother die, they say they can seriously see my mother trying to fight on trying to hold on.. tryoing to hold on for us.. i seriously at tat time hope she hold on.. no matter she may become a vegetable.. just long i can see her.. touch her.. i so selfish

hmm now i dunnoe.. my mouth say i wan to die.. i wan follow her.. lolz.. but seriously i hope i nt cowardly to avoid everything

eveyrthing is a test
i noe it is
eveyrthing will come toward us
bt i will live on
live on becoz i need to b there
need to live for her

my mind now veyr complicated.. 1 side wan gif up.. the other wan to hold on

what will ppl react after i gone frm this world?

seriously dun tink ppl care anyway
sad is sad la
but in the end all is memories
my life is reali upside down

maybe i should calm myself down
n do something worthwhile

Monday, May 02, 2005

my heart is as empty as the sky

i cannt envisage the things tat will happen in the future..

for now, i had lived 20 yrs 7 mths which is roughly 7300 days

everyday has its moments.. wat can i remember as in now?

oct 3 1984- the day i m born to a world with 2 doting parents

the first 5 yrs i tink i lived happily la.. haha like real i can remember wat happned when i a child but see my child pic i saw cute cute happy faces..

kindergarden i still remember .. veyr scary.. keep crying.. remember the maths n the teacher.. she later become my brother kindergardern principal.. we the family all go same pap kindergarden

pri sch same same la.. oso scarey cat.. -.- shy boi mahz.. alway sytay at home.. dun reali remember la wat happen everyday but p1-p3 normal day is go study study in pri sch.. mother fetch mi home.. wkend stay at home.. i alway a stay-in guy..lolz

p4 gd year.. duno wat i eat.. study very gd.. teacher oso very gd.. nice teacher MS lau.. everything ace it.. shiok.. but tink my english nt very gd.. so nearly cannt go em1.. but they accept mi after some consideration becoz result is very gd.. tink get 2 A 1 A star 1 b 1 c...haha
p5 i suffer.. cannt follow. duno why lehz..maybe i nt smart euff la.. syllabus too xiong. teacher stress mi.. feelow classmate too li hai.. but still can la.. midtable in my top class

p6 cannt tahn.. go play truant.. my feng guang 1 nian.. lolz kana caught a few time.. tink of ways to excape frm, sch.. like hide my civilian clothes in sch bag n change in stair cases landing...lala feng guang la.. see principal for first time.. n the time i saw my mother cry..

my mother alway fierce to mi.. everything i do wrong she will cane mi.. haiz.. everytime will scold mi.. but in the end after the scolding i alway remember she will an wei wo or apply ointment on the hand she caned.. when she scold mi she alway cry!!

i hate to make my mother sad but..........

wo bu zheng qi la

sec 1 go paris ris sec.. everything new new de.. haha.. scary go sch myself at first.. father gt come later! sister gt go later ! mother no go! tink go work! haa.. see my class no in the notieboard n my name.. go class. funi funi.. i finali feel i belong there.. nice teacher.. haha paris ris sec sch is reali a nice sch.. i dun haf anything to fault against it.. my psle nt reali tat gd.. but 1 of the best in paris sec sch.. haha i tink.. but i dun reali perform in sec 1.. many subjects.. tough tough.. geogrpahy difficult.. fail my arts.. i alway nt a artistic person.. sad.. alway fail arts or almost fasill.. duno why.. so sec 1 lidat go pass by.. alway go home oso.. hmm veyr notti tat time.. at class alway make fun of gals.. hee dun reali rememeber the gals name.. but haha i alway teases the gals.. result so so.. guo de qu

sec 2.. siao yr oso.. duno why i alway tend to do well when there is streaming or so on.. maybe i perform well in pressure mehz?
or i just value results toomuch
study study study ..
nice yr
nice teachers
made lots of close fren which i still remember
n still in contact
haha a gd yr overall
results.. hmm top10 in sch lo

i develop a liking for history n academic subjects.. geo i suddenly like oso.. haha study like mad in sec 2 3 4 alway get a2 n above.. get below it i will sad.. but english n math alway sux.. get C

sec 3.. happening yr oso.. made great frens.. enjoy the frenship very much.. but hmm i still dun go out with frens during wkend.. i alwya stay at home.. maybe mother too strict..i had started work liao since sec 2..
family nid money.. alway work at wkend.. happy working although sometime i liek to run away frm it.. haha.. work is nt something i like very much.. but i like the feeling i gt my wages n seeing my bank acc grow..
i oso remember tat yr a gal say she likes mi
sec 4 olevel yr woo hoo.. study time.. haha i realli sound like a nerd.. maybe result do matter to mi ba. chiong chiong.. play socc er play soccer oso.. ahhah

last few mth b4 olevel i chiong studies..haha.. i still remember a kettle of water.. my million million of highlighted notes.. my endless coffee.. haha fun studying.. ton in library too..

hmm in the end i tink i very relax in olevel.. haha.. alreadi study tat hard.. still can play soccer b4 my chemistry olevel

did i score well in my olevel?????????????-- to b continued----

afternote: today duno why i start to write this.. just write to remember something la.. to keep my life in perspective.. to remeber my life is actually worth something

my life is empty
darkness creep
no sound is heard
a guy wallow in despair
tries to shout
tries to cry
tries to move
but time seem to stop
time stop
time stop
time stop
time stop
time pls stop

lala Posted by Hello

Sunday, May 01, 2005

my life so f***ed up

haha.. use vulgar..

beep beep

beep beep beep

bt wat can i say?
life sux la

when can life b better?

hhee.. stupid chenwei..alwayw an show offf.. arghh.. keep buying this n that to improve himself.

haha.. but it true la.. ppl must alway try to improve himself

i stagnated le too long.. stagnated until i bth..
i find myself weak n useless.. everything cannt b done..

i oso very tired becoz of doing guard duty.. i now trully hate guard duty!!!

no more guard duty pls

today play soccer.. sux sia.. cannt even pass properly..lose terribly.. leg pain sumore..

sunday duty clerk.. haf to go back camp.. omg why my life like this 1..

hey where the rest of ppl..

where the ppl i can tok to

where lijun where i sure will haf fun arguing..

ppl had been misssing frm my life for too long