Ok pretty frustrated with life since......... Due to many reasons
1) I come back to camp early in the morning.. He nv slp the previous day.. go straight to camp.. eat camp breakfats meesiam.. miss it veri much..
suddenly a sense of loss came over me.. my last time walking down the road to camp gates.. my last time entering the gates of hell.. my last time eating this mee siam.. hmm suddenly wan treasure the moment.. lol ... but i tink i need go backk camp a few more times in this 19 days of nsf life.. suddenly feel relieved but sad too.. i contribute to this camp.. it is ever present in my life for 2 yrs that i m posted in.. it contain many sad, happy, hateful, funny memories
it is a love-hate relationship.. i veri proud of myself in this camp.. i have personally seee me grow in this camp.. grow more mature.. tink stuff in more concise terms.. its no longer the world against me.. its just a matter of u overcoming the things that come ur life.. it make me treasure every little things of my life.. although i seem very rubbish at times, but i really care abt frens.. really care abt family.. i know i will have to handle many burdens in future.. including supporting this family of mine.. my father, my 2 sisters meiling meizhen n my youngest brother kimleng.. each have thier own capabilities and thinking.. but i veri proud of them.. they had proven them to be able to survive anything.. but me myself.. i duno.. m i a survivor.. ??
anyway i wan talkmore abt my camp.. hmmm i will probably blog abt the entire time i spent in the camp.. wad i do.. wad i learn in future posts... but really i miss the cammmp, people, things that happen inside
i will miss it but i will have to move on
2) my testimonial and cos
sian... i aska bt my certificate of service(cos).. my cb superior of 2 yrs cpt umanathan naidu sabo me.. he give me very good instead of the expected outstanding grading.. cb him.. every1 is like expecting me to get outstanding grading and a testimonial.. now i duno la.. every1 keep telling me i really dun deserve this grading.. offering to help me forge the cos and ask my commanding unit officer to sign.. i dun wan comment anything.. i did not encourage them but i did not discourage them la.. although i wan get that grading becoz it is one of the thing i aimed to get out of my nsf life.. but i pretty resigned to the fact ba...
however i do alot of shit that is not recognized.. stay back late late finsih workk.. first to start wprk.. suffer 2 yrs lei..
but instead 2 bastard colleague of me who orded earlier than in me in august hor get outstanding.. cb they always ck give troubles.. but they rich.. they know how to lick boots.. n they gt car
always go with my cb superior to car shows and so on.. por him.. not tat i sound like eating sour grapes la..
but seriously our whole branch did not find any value in them in branch and pretty dislike them..
i the wahaha so called gd "apple" of the branch.. now although i m on off till dec 19.. i still come back n do work.. clear stuff..
cb.. i hate bootlickers.. i seriously doubt the effort i been putting in is like wasted.. after this new, i erm duno i shd work so hard arnot.. i tink imay give a substantard work.. i duno la.. ppl give me advice.. but i honest person.. i give u honest opinion and i expect ppl to be honest to ppl.. i dun do subterfuge.
nxt time i go work.. i become manager.. i kick all bootlickers out of my companies..cb
i beem pretty frustrated with myself for not concentrating on my exams.. hopefully by wkend i sortmyselfout..
iwan work hard.. achieve gd results.. hopefully can fly high n far.. i dun wan be a tortoise in hse le..
accounting alot of workings.. i dun like.. i prefer to memorize and analyze.. haiz
now do all the accountings working.. must practice hard.. it sucking all my juice from my brain bt ok la.. its all in the mind.. i will over come it.. hmmmmmmmmmm jiayou jincai .. pass all exams n be the best u can ever be,....
haiz nobody encourage me.. machiam i can do very well in exams.. no 1 wish me.. ppl who know say i sure do well.. wtf where gt sure do well 1.. i not tat smart lo..
pls encourage me in this last hurdle of yr,..
3) finding job
ook i finish my resume.. i see all the advertisement in newspaprer.. ready to seeeee all the website 1..
want to start sending the resume.. but duno when is the right time.. now or when.. erm personally i tink i send late nxt week after my exam.. becoz nxt nxt wk den go interview.. i put my immediate starting date on dec 20..
i wan start fast n do well in my so called first office job.. achieve excel and be happy is my motto.. stress is no factor for me.. i love stress.. work no problem for me.. do 12 hr shift oso can.. 24 hr i oso do before.. when i in unit.. hmm but duno la.. maybe work stress in working world is different from stress in the office in unit..
keke dun wan tink so much.. hmm me tink i wan find wkend jobs too... i need cash .. n immed too.. but i dun wan sales job.. i hate toking to ppl too much..
areas i aim...=> logistic admin accounting IT engineering HR probably marketing lo
4) lack of cash
i spent alot of money liao.. bills.. course enrolment, acca fees.. gamblings...
now i machiam moneyless in bank.. hand tight tight tied behind hand.. wallet a few cent nia.. wan go out with frens oso cannot... i looking forward to 10/12/2006 my last pay.. hopefully gt over 300 in nxt mth.. probbaly will find some pt job.. in wkends.. wkdays too dangerous.. after exam..// hope euuff money to spend till nxt yr..
if u willing, can u give me mney..lol
lack of cash is a problem i gg to face very often in future.. guess is the way i spending my money has major error..
shd look into it le.. i wan scrimp,save.. N earn alot of money
5) online frens
nowadays becoz i veri free online.. i been irritaing a few ppl.. tink they rather see me offline ele.. i dun tink any1 have blk me as yet.. but tink pretty close to it liao.. becoz maybe becoz i too free? hmm shd look into it..
arghhh.. shd find job to occupy my time.. must dun care abt disturbing shannen amelia so so so la.. i tink they oso dun wan chat with me le.. grr.. tink i pretty stuppid ..alot nonsense i m.... HAI disgusted abt myself..
but heellllllllp.. any1 can listen to meeeee........ me just wan feel valued onli.. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiii.
hmm my frens often ask me.. i gt so mani online frens.. why cant i concentrate on one and jio..
hmm maybe becoz the gals i wan all dun wan me?
they either attached, i tink mostly attached la.. but haiz no fate lo.. guess i remain single forever inmy life..
hmm seriously i shd look into this problem.. very difficult u know.. to see ppl all gt gf bf.. all gt things in life..
while i wasting away/ either computer or wrk or tv.. there is nothing going on in my life.. why i cannt find my lucky one.. me wan a serious relationship.. me wan take care of her.. me wan treasure her.. me wan make her happi always.. me wan to give her everything she wan.. me wan be romantic. hmm but haha me too " slow"
lol.. but me wan her happi always........... but guess the lucky gal for me havent come yet..
but i tink this has not become a problem.. me wan concentrate on working life.. i shall achieve, excel n win in this battle of life.. when i 40., i wan tell myself.. i nv waste my life.. i wan tell my mother.. Mum u have made me into wad i m today.. u shall be proud of me..
lol.. lazy to type le lei.. so mani things to grumble abt..
i seriously tink wad i lacking is a will to achieve.. a heart tat is brave euff to withstand everything.. a mind who willing to risk..
somtime i tink i m limited only by myself..
haiz maybe tat is the time i need frens to push me..
push me beyond the limits..
but no one lei..
i m imploring u to help..
i oso duno if u all have read this post arnot.. or even if u read, can u have the patience to read until so far..
thanks anyway if u read
p.s i did not proof read anything i write above,, all this is straight frm my heart..
p.p.s mee siam today make me go toilet for 2 times lo.. stomachace