Thursday, May 04, 2006

i wonder wat i gg to type here.. maybe i duno wad to say after receiving two rejections in a row.. i feel numb.. i feel wan to cry.. i nt a strong person.smtime i wish i was born in a better place born in a better have betterthings.. wish my mum wun pass away.. n she will console me like last time when i come back to olvl with my english faiil.. tat is my most humiliating most saddening moment of my life.. i hold the result slip... i slowly walk back to my home.. veri numb.. when i stepped in my hse.. i look at my mum.. i just cried.. i work veyr hard for the result.. i noe the efforts i put in..although at first i nt at all optimistic of my olvl results.. but i work damn hard.. but sumhow life did nt work tat way.. i fail my english..i walk into my hse.. i just gif my result to mymum to see.. i jst cried .. i just shout why i faill.. my mum did not say anything.. she just look at me.. n i just understand.. no matter wat i do, nthg change..... wad for i i at another stage of my life.. i experience this crushing feeling of failure... i fail my driving theory.. tat is unforgivable.. but i can try again.. now both my application for uni r rejected.. they have become my obession.. i tot.. i seriously tot i could make it.. but sumhow maybe i screw it up.. or my result too sux to go in.. i duno the reasons.. maybe i did not work hard during poly.. i admit it.. i nv work hard.. now.. wad for i cry..i haf to face the fact i couldnt make it..i always lucky.. duno why.. i make gd frens... ppl help me.. ppl always treat me gd...but sumhow i nv feel close to my frens ard me.. i feel distant from tat i noe i fail in my application/ frens will go on the other stage without me. i reali duno wad to do le..guess life will haf to go on..but i haf to face the fact tat i a failure..n why i fail.. it all becoz of me..will i haf the ability to stand upwill i haf the ability to finali feel for the worldi nv feel i capable of anything..i just struggle on with my life with the help of mani ppl n my luck..wad my gd points?....i reali dunodo i eveer haf gd points.....i reali scaredreali scared of the futurethere a deep sense of regret in my heart.. i duno how to put it in words..but wad for regret....... u alreadi do tat le..sumtime i tink it all down to me charactermy personalitymy abilityi seriously doubt myself.i tot i can make it through hard work.. i always tink do my best n everything come..but sumhow things dun happen tat way.other ppl go pass thier driving easilyppl go uni easilyppl get to haf things tat i cant haf..i jealouswhy cant i haf the things they hafwhy cant i be hapiwhy cant i haf everything in lifei guess it all down to me..maybe sumtime i tink it better for me to diewad for i live..there nthg in my lifewad bright futurewad lifewad familywad continue w/o me..i live everyday with anger, regret, sadness,
i seriously hope i die..

1 comment:

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