end of 2006 coming

end of 2006 coming.. let see my report card for the year.. ok i tink it is better than in 2005.. where i reali feel 2005 is a sucky year..

achievements

i tink i achieve more in 2006.. become focused in my goals n targets.. know wad i want n aim wad to get.

1) congratulation myself on becoming more garang..more focused.. n grow up abit..

- be more mature in thining.. nt xiao baby.. learn to live n get on.. but still quite indecisive.. so still nt so good..

2) register for acca n thus commit on a road to a future tat i can see goals being achieved

- being able to score well in cat exams make me more confident.. so therefore more guts to do more stuff... so tat good

3) register for ntu biz cert n manage to complete it

4) get 2 other certification in WITS n microsoft words..

5) get another acct jaycee031084@hotmail.com.. flirting acct.. my current netfren msn stand at 821 person ( never reali minus real fren so the real number may be lesser) ...aim to break 1000 barrier in 2007

6) manage to like many woman but nv get any..lol

7) get a outstanding grading in my cos.. n a testimonial.. n lots of frens liking me as i m

Things i regret becoz i nv achieve

1) manage to get 10,000 dollars in my bank.. i tink my bank is seriously less than 0.00001% the amt..
nv manage to save. that will be my sole target in 2007.

2) nv get 90 n above in my cat exam.. 1 i will hope to achieve.. i wan get to be 1 of the top student of saa.

3) do SAT and achieve more certifications. sian.. i serioulsy lack of finance..

hopefully i will get CAT in 2007.. n ssome other certificates..

4) change new com.. seriously my com sux.. sian 1/2.. i hope to get a new com/ laptop in 2007.. yeah!!
5) buy digital cam and cam hp and new specs..
6) never have a gf yet.. ermmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hard la to achieve in 2007.. wahaha i low quality.. no one wan me...
7) go overseas.. always wan go overseas but nv really have the cash.. hopefully in 2007 i have the chance..
8) open my eyes to more things.. seriously i lack knowledge in many areas.. i need ppl to guide mi.. to tell me wad i lack...
seriously ah i sux..
9) manage a football team to success or get a medal or something.. i always wan win some competition.. but havent yet lei.. hopefully can do it in 2007..
10) win soccer bets in 2006... nv really win money over the yr... tink lost ard 1 k?.... hopefully can win overall in 2007..

serioulsy i have many things i nv achieve.. in the next post i will say wad i wan in 2007.. quite tired now.. wah liew new resolution.. slp more sia.. this yr i reali duun slp alot

seriously been bz with life

intervviews.. appts.. assignments...been going n going for the past few week..
sian is becoz all those is all with job agent.. nobody call me for secondround of interviews..
but quite hapi tat alot of ppl called me for accounts assistant position.
but i been going for IT, admin job positions second round of interviews
they r faster.. but i tend to stumble at the technical qns they ask..
si bei sian sia..
but is ok.. nt going to do IT job..
hmm now awaiting for the calls.

i wna do acct asst job lei. find it more thingto learn..

been doing temp assignment.. earn money but LOST it all IN SOCCer..

sian 1/2

upcoming events..... go amk fr temp assignment and visit fairpricehypermart on 29 dec...

3:32am blogging

wonder how long this life can carry on..
blogging at this hr while nt sleeping..

now eagerly searching for job.. seriously dunnoe wad i wan.. n xmas n new yr is coming.. no money to spend..
mean probably nt doooing anything special/

been rotting this few days.. serioously gaining nowhere..

where my spirit where my power... i wan be forever fightiing.. but i so tired....

lazy libran.. tat is me.. i know i can do alot.. but i just too lazy.. nxt yr will be a pivotal yr for me..

23 yrs old.. wah si bei old lei.. while i wondering wad to do with my life..

tell me wad u wan to do with ur life..

hard to know sia.. i very lousy at adapting to new changes...

so now i feeling terrible.. everything is moving while i still remain at the same spot...

211206

sori for letting the blog rot..been bz with my life..albeit unsuccessful life

been to a few interviews le.. all start with " let me know more abt urself"

as u know i not a gd talker, i probably fumbled through

haha every interview is a new experience, gd or bad... dun wan to say

let say it been a learning experience...

hmm but still i cant find a job that is reali suited for me..

si bei sian.. i tink anyhow find job liao.. need money more urgently

but need to consider my study time oso.. veri hard to find company to accomodate timing

haixx.. reali dun know wad to say.. tink i lack working experince.. so everything is new to mi

can i adapt to it?

tink i need to market myself aggressively.... if nt i sure die in the carcasses of interviews

hahaha.. been doing flyer distribution jobs.. damn shag.. any more lobang?
i nid instant cash

point taken on dec 16 2006 3 more days

blogging in process.. pls dun disturb

today went interview for a pt telesales position.. lol in the end kena intro into insurance agent line.. tio a 2 hr leccture on how to become a insurance agent.. cock n bullshit stuff la.. but i wan the pt job lei
7 dollar per hr.. do at nite .. 7-10 very shiok.. 20 dollar... i work for 2 wk.. can clear my bills..alot bills sia.. to clear..

my first priority is to find job.. haiz

1) to clear debts n bills
2) to pay for acca
3) to have valuable working experience.
4) chiong for more activites..

slack actually not good.. it dull ur brains n reflexes..

i need a job.. a well paying job

12122006-dental ffi

okie okie finali i do my dental ffi after 2 yr 1 mth 3 wk in army... 7 more days to ord.. happy but troubled..

i really duno wad kind of jobs i looking for.. there are so mani requirements in the jobs i browse through..

Am i capable to handle it?

i gt alot of questions but no answers.. i have alot of doubts in my mind.. but i cant clarify.. i simply m lost..

i know i need to plan for my future... i simply unprepared for the uncertain future i m gg to have..

perhaps the plan i shd adopt is go to have a temp job which will lower expectations for me.. while i adjust to the work society....

it is a feasible plan.. i reali have no one to bounce off ideas.. simply everyone is busy with their individual lives..

i shd be able to cope with it.. or can i?

xmas is coming.. but i reali cash short.. i dun tink i going out to celebrate.. hopefully i can find some part time jobs to gain valuable experience

no money.. reali bankrupt le.. still gt bills to pay.. still wan buy biz suits.. i simply dun have enough suits to cope with 5-day wk jobs.. siao liao siao liao...
can any1 give me ideas? on wad to do

its another sleepless nite.. i m blogging at 7 am.. hmm did not slp throughout the nite..........

wkends

i need cash to flow in.. haha

lols can i sell backside

haha,..

edging towards my ord date..

feeling hapi
can find perm job..
aiya any job oso can la..

i wan be useful.. dun wan sit ard in frt of com.. hope the job gd n work environment gd can liao..

dec 7

veri tired now... now is like 3 am in the morning.. guess i gg sleep soon.. damn tired

well taking exam at expo seem fun.. so i clear finsih this yr exams.. till T4.. 5 more paper to clear before going to ACCA..

i will jiayou 1.. focus n achieve.. =) now my next aim is to find decent job .. i dun expect much.. i just wan a nice working environment.. n earn lots of money

btw i tink i need to be more disciplined abit since i tink last few days i keep slacking but ok la tink i did well in the paper.. but still quite slack.. tink i need take more papers exams to test my limits...

btw i swore to jog everyday.. i getting fat.. wah liew my fren say so

damn...

nth interesting happen in my life.. okie hmm see the news tat ppl r dropping dead like flies...they r very healthy in person but they can suddenly go off lidat in sleep n so on.

guess u need to treasure ur life while it last..

xmas.. my 22nd xmas.. any xmas gifts hehe?

Promise to be a longlong blog today since I pretty frustrated with life

Ok pretty frustrated with life since......... Due to many reasons


1) I come back to camp early in the morning.. He nv slp the previous day.. go straight to camp.. eat camp breakfats meesiam.. miss it veri much..
suddenly a sense of loss came over me.. my last time walking down the road to camp gates.. my last time entering the gates of hell.. my last time eating this mee siam.. hmm suddenly wan treasure the moment.. lol ... but i tink i need go backk camp a few more times in this 19 days of nsf life.. suddenly feel relieved but sad too.. i contribute to this camp.. it is ever present in my life for 2 yrs that i m posted in.. it contain many sad, happy, hateful, funny memories
it is a love-hate relationship.. i veri proud of myself in this camp.. i have personally seee me grow in this camp.. grow more mature.. tink stuff in more concise terms.. its no longer the world against me.. its just a matter of u overcoming the things that come ur life.. it make me treasure every little things of my life.. although i seem very rubbish at times, but i really care abt frens.. really care abt family.. i know i will have to handle many burdens in future.. including supporting this family of mine.. my father, my 2 sisters meiling meizhen n my youngest brother kimleng.. each have thier own capabilities and thinking.. but i veri proud of them.. they had proven them to be able to survive anything.. but me myself.. i duno.. m i a survivor.. ??

anyway i wan talkmore abt my camp.. hmmm i will probably blog abt the entire time i spent in the camp.. wad i do.. wad i learn in future posts... but really i miss the cammmp, people, things that happen inside

i will miss it but i will have to move on

2) my testimonial and cos

sian... i aska bt my certificate of service(cos).. my cb superior of 2 yrs cpt umanathan naidu sabo me.. he give me very good instead of the expected outstanding grading.. cb him.. every1 is like expecting me to get outstanding grading and a testimonial.. now i duno la.. every1 keep telling me i really dun deserve this grading.. offering to help me forge the cos and ask my commanding unit officer to sign.. i dun wan comment anything.. i did not encourage them but i did not discourage them la.. although i wan get that grading becoz it is one of the thing i aimed to get out of my nsf life.. but i pretty resigned to the fact ba...

however i do alot of shit that is not recognized.. stay back late late finsih workk.. first to start wprk.. suffer 2 yrs lei..

but instead 2 bastard colleague of me who orded earlier than in me in august hor get outstanding.. cb they always ck give troubles.. but they rich.. they know how to lick boots.. n they gt car
always go with my cb superior to car shows and so on.. por him.. not tat i sound like eating sour grapes la..
but seriously our whole branch did not find any value in them in branch and pretty dislike them..
i the wahaha so called gd "apple" of the branch.. now although i m on off till dec 19.. i still come back n do work.. clear stuff..
cb.. i hate bootlickers.. i seriously doubt the effort i been putting in is like wasted.. after this new, i erm duno i shd work so hard arnot.. i tink imay give a substantard work.. i duno la.. ppl give me advice.. but i honest person.. i give u honest opinion and i expect ppl to be honest to ppl.. i dun do subterfuge.

nxt time i go work.. i become manager.. i kick all bootlickers out of my companies..cb

2) Exam

i beem pretty frustrated with myself for not concentrating on my exams.. hopefully by wkend i sortmyselfout..
iwan work hard.. achieve gd results.. hopefully can fly high n far.. i dun wan be a tortoise in hse le..
accounting alot of workings.. i dun like.. i prefer to memorize and analyze.. haiz
now do all the accountings working.. must practice hard.. it sucking all my juice from my brain bt ok la.. its all in the mind.. i will over come it.. hmmmmmmmmmm jiayou jincai .. pass all exams n be the best u can ever be,....
haiz nobody encourage me.. machiam i can do very well in exams.. no 1 wish me.. ppl who know say i sure do well.. wtf where gt sure do well 1.. i not tat smart lo..
pls encourage me in this last hurdle of yr,..


3) finding job

ook i finish my resume.. i see all the advertisement in newspaprer.. ready to seeeee all the website 1..
want to start sending the resume.. but duno when is the right time.. now or when.. erm personally i tink i send late nxt week after my exam.. becoz nxt nxt wk den go interview.. i put my immediate starting date on dec 20..
i wan start fast n do well in my so called first office job.. achieve excel and be happy is my motto.. stress is no factor for me.. i love stress.. work no problem for me.. do 12 hr shift oso can.. 24 hr i oso do before.. when i in unit.. hmm but duno la.. maybe work stress in working world is different from stress in the office in unit..
keke dun wan tink so much.. hmm me tink i wan find wkend jobs too... i need cash .. n immed too.. but i dun wan sales job.. i hate toking to ppl too much..

areas i aim...=> logistic admin accounting IT engineering HR probably marketing lo

4) lack of cash

i spent alot of money liao.. bills.. course enrolment, acca fees.. gamblings...
now i machiam moneyless in bank.. hand tight tight tied behind hand.. wallet a few cent nia.. wan go out with frens oso cannot... i looking forward to 10/12/2006 my last pay.. hopefully gt over 300 in nxt mth.. probbaly will find some pt job.. in wkends.. wkdays too dangerous.. after exam..// hope euuff money to spend till nxt yr..
if u willing, can u give me mney..lol

lack of cash is a problem i gg to face very often in future.. guess is the way i spending my money has major error..
shd look into it le.. i wan scrimp,save.. N earn alot of money


5) online frens

nowadays becoz i veri free online.. i been irritaing a few ppl.. tink they rather see me offline ele.. i dun tink any1 have blk me as yet.. but tink pretty close to it liao.. becoz maybe becoz i too free? hmm shd look into it..
arghhh.. shd find job to occupy my time.. must dun care abt disturbing shannen amelia so so so la.. i tink they oso dun wan chat with me le.. grr.. tink i pretty stuppid ..alot nonsense i m.... HAI disgusted abt myself..
but heellllllllp.. any1 can listen to meeeee........ me just wan feel valued onli.. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiii.

hmm my frens often ask me.. i gt so mani online frens.. why cant i concentrate on one and jio..
hmm maybe becoz the gals i wan all dun wan me?
wahaha
they either attached, i tink mostly attached la.. but haiz no fate lo.. guess i remain single forever inmy life..
hmm seriously i shd look into this problem.. very difficult u know.. to see ppl all gt gf bf.. all gt things in life..
while i wasting away/ either computer or wrk or tv.. there is nothing going on in my life.. why i cannt find my lucky one.. me wan a serious relationship.. me wan take care of her.. me wan treasure her.. me wan make her happi always.. me wan to give her everything she wan.. me wan be romantic. hmm but haha me too " slow"
lol.. but me wan her happi always........... but guess the lucky gal for me havent come yet..

but i tink this has not become a problem.. me wan concentrate on working life.. i shall achieve, excel n win in this battle of life.. when i 40., i wan tell myself.. i nv waste my life.. i wan tell my mother.. Mum u have made me into wad i m today.. u shall be proud of me..

lol.. lazy to type le lei.. so mani things to grumble abt..

i seriously tink wad i lacking is a will to achieve.. a heart tat is brave euff to withstand everything.. a mind who willing to risk..
somtime i tink i m limited only by myself..
haiz maybe tat is the time i need frens to push me..
push me beyond the limits..

but no one lei..

i m imploring u to help..

i oso duno if u all have read this post arnot.. or even if u read, can u have the patience to read until so far..

thanks anyway if u read

p.s i did not proof read anything i write above,, all this is straight frm my heart..

p.p.s mee siam today make me go toilet for 2 times lo.. stomachace

grrrrr

need to go back camp later......................................


very angry

hate ppl lala

gotta run frm hp

fuk .. unit call me backk.. dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. take mc? run away? call police? go into hospital??

sian

i duno how to tok to her.. she oso nv tok to me.. lol.. i dun make her pek chek.. i duun wan fan her..


sian.. beta dun disturb her..

lost

i feel upset

i duno why..

i still feel upsett

i seem to have no 1 to pour my troubles to..

i seem to make ppl pei chek

ppl always tink i childish, playkid.. i dun like

lost

michael buble- home

nice song

feel lost.. i dun wan bother ppl.. i shall nt disturb ppl.. she dun wan me disturb mahz..

i feel troooubled.. tired of life..

21 days to ord... faster come..

i upset.. i pissed off

why ppl always tink of me tat way..

fuk

sunday 26 11 2006

lost lost lost lost

last few days i keep thinking of wad to aim for in 2007.. i do research surf net.. see how much the thing cost..

i decide wad i wan.. it is listed in my wants column.. hmm it is gd to aim high.. becoz if nv achieve, at least u have tried.. but i will nv give up.....

lols.. nowadays feel beri lost... i going to ord soon.. but i totally unprepared for working life.. is it very tough?

the childish, self absorbed side of me can tahan arnot

can i handle the stress of working?

can i be the normal me?

i so proud person.. dun wan admit defeat.. always tink higher of myself than i m..

can i really do well in my future life.. i dun know wad to tink..

i always make ppl angry sad,,unable to make ppl smile

how many ppl i can count as my true frens?

r u my fren?

i feel emotionally distant.. very drained...

but i wan live on as i m.. becoz i nt living for myself..

i know i living on for my mother.. she will wan me bravely live on and achieve things..

she tink of the world of me.. i can nv give up despite my personality failures

exam exam exam exam

hmm i go enrol for t6 le.. still gt 4 more course to learn n enrol. hopefully can pass lo
suddenly feel veri ppoor.. i need ard 2k more..
so much so muchmoney.. later need to go for acca lvl 2..
den go for ntu

i tink the onli limiting factor for me now is money

withoout money i could not do so

now i know wad shd i do le

i shd find work lots lots of work

swallow my pride ask for work

faster ord too

emotionally empty.. when can some gal save me

boring jincai

okie wad to blog. nth happen today.. haha.. sianx.. tink alot of things.. but still cannt go ndo lei


okie let blog abt the gals i recently know ba..
nowadays gals very dangeroooouss 1..
they wan ur hp num
n KEEP flooding ur hp with msgs

-_-i veri nice to reply them bbbut they keep msging..
i tinkk i become thier temporary bf....

wahaha..
but sad they all fat.. sob sob
1 call kelly .. the other call marilyn..

u wan see their pics.. ask me lo..

i hate myself

i hate myself for many things.

1) unable to achieve anything in life
2) unable to step out of comfort zone
3) unable to be determined in doing things
4) unable to think positively
5) unable to be less lame
6) unable to get away from my computer
7) unable to care for people
8) unable to open up to ppl
9) unable to trust ppl
10) unable to do things my way
11) unable too enjoy my life as it is

fuk myself.. lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFQ7vm4Nc8c nice anime..

i admire the kiwi but i wan live my dreams n achieve it

fuk the world

i dun wan to keep losing..

its saturday .. why i dun feel anything..

yeh.. finali 1 mth to ord.. can count down 30 days le..

yeah.. hmm sian life.. but qiute contented since computer ok

lots of entertainment..
lol

now beri hungry

grr..

money money roll dwn the hill pls

=) anyway any movies to reocmmend?

nv study again

i wan study for exam.. it coming soon.... dec 7..
die die die... but addicted to com..

aww..wkend coming.. tat great

oh... i must be truthful n loyal to gf....dun be jerk
dun be heartbreaker

blog now or never

crazyme.. msn spoil.. so i come here to blog.. si bei sian... today do nth much again.. so went bet on sccer again.. hope to win again... pls win.. haiz but i lose 1 ticket.. 3 more tickets to go..tired of betting.. but no choice.. i need money.. last wkend win abit.. so financial worries ease abit.. but still gt long way to go

wah my 5 subject of CAT cost 2200 to enrol in.. diao tat 440 for 1 subject.. where to find those money...

worry worry again..

sometime i wonder if i can be a sweet boi arnot.. i dun know how to sweet tok.. i dunnoe how to do sweet things..
i wonder if a gal decide to be with me... will she be happy....

will i send morning sms to wake him up.. sms her sweetnthg whether i can.. go out wiht her n make her smile.. spend zillions of money to make her day.. n do things to let her remb me sweetly..

wah.. hard to imagine me to be a romantic.. i such a dead person

hmm still many days to ord.. wad to do.. just wait lo

ok summarize a few days

since my com okie in fri, i m quite happy
keep using
my window will have alot of flashing msgs..
even if dun haf, i will find ppl chat..

dangerous addiction but they make me hapi


haha..

now now sian father take another hundred frm me.. i bankrupt le.. why i the eldest

then.. now.. i beri sianz.. becoz still gt 35 days to ord.. wad kind of work i shd find..

i so lazy now

any ppl motivate me?

hapy bday to my sis

now is 3:55am

now i wan blog.. mi tired sia.. but ok la.. i like to chat with amelia.. sumre gt kelly twinnie.. n long time nv use com le

mi wan alot of things

" i wan earn a million" is my msn nick..

u will know how hungry i wan achieve success

i m thinking of ways to do it..

i know i have to be successful

becoz being successfuull, den i can be useful.. den maybe luckily i will have a gf who will become my wife den have a family.,...

ahaha i tink alot..
but now the desire to succeed is burning hot...
amelia dun sad sad.. mi always support u de~~

mi be amelia frens always
muackx

my com is ook

my com is ok

i offically announce it

sianz

blogging in library..
make it fast
hmm..
yesterday i gt a tot.

i tink i achieve very few things in life..
i started to wonder wad actually i achieve
tink very few lei


on my trophy cabinet..

i gt 1 chinese chess champion trophy..

1 plaque for achieving 6 distinction in olvl exams..

certificates for outstanding academic achievements in sec schdays..

ntu certificate in biz n finance.. n some stupid certs i get during my few yrs in poly n army..
WITS microsoft word expert.. sip excellence cert..
oh ya.. 2 plaque and photos for being best soldier in feb 05 and may 06

tink i achieve very little in life..

uh 1 more thing i nv achieve.. i dun have any gf

any comments or help?

dreams do come true i hope....

mi sian sia.. i tink the coming months will really seriously tax on my finances...

i got 5 more modules to go..5 more to complete.. 5 x 399.. woah plus exam fee

where i m going to get the money...
lol

sumtime i guess i reali need find job.. but mi so lazy sia..

now still havent find a good job but all dun suit me n timing..
seriously i lookng towards ord..

den i find ft job.. n den get tsuck in the ft job to earn extra cash.. jiayou jincai..

u choose this path.. u must complete it..

now i duty.. damn sian..

i just hope the follwing 45 days will be smooth.. den i ord le

45 more days to go...
i miss my com
i miss alot of ppl

sha gua

hmmm i love the way she say these words.. all those anger directed at her all disappeared...

hmm i dun tink how she treat me .. just as long as she will remb me..

okie euff abt her..

today on duty.. tml leave.. fri leave.. i tired of 3 guards.. reali cant wait to get out of it..

hmmm.. but wad to do?
still so long to ord..

see my frens ord.. i hapi for them..
but how abt me..

i reali tired...

haha.. i still have my goals n aims to fight for...
yeah!
millionaire jincai here i come

tired after a day of duty

i totally disgusted.. i lose money in gambling again.. maybe i tink i too lousy le..
luck is nt always with me/// but /.. haiz i totally lose hope le


hmmm i 22 le.. soon 23.. but i feel i nv achieve anything of note..
who will remember chua jincai

hmm probbaly no one

tell u something..

my greatest wish in life will have a wonderful family.. a beautiful wife n 3 beautiful kids, a car n a house.. and a well paying job..

my dreams is so far away...

somehow i know i will achieve

but first dun gamble in football le

they really kill

finali can blog

well i on saturday duty.. damn sad.. but ok la... can use inet..

haiz totally sian.. duno wad to blog... i gt alot of thing to wonder but duno how to type it out

basically all abt my future.. haiz

first, i realise i will have alot of financial burden to worry abt nxt life.. in order to rush my CAT certification by nxt june, i need ard 2 k.. haiz...

alot of money to consider.. so i must find a perm job soon.. but i still stuck in army.. 2more mth.. reali need to find pt job to alleviate my financial debt..

haiz.. how i wish to find a rich gf... the other problems is i keep seeig couples all ard.. arghh pretty gals hung ard thier bf arms.. sianz

how i wish to find a gf but i too ugly n no person care abt me..

sian now amelia added to the list of ppl who ignore me

m i so detestable??

ade still dun tok to me but she send me a sweet bday sms...haiz.. i still tink of her deeply..

hmm somehow i guess i can anyhw find 1.. there r so mani desperate gals ard.. oopps//

but somehow i find a true one.. some1 who reali care for me.. some1 who is very sweet funni accommdating pretty..

when tat special some1 will come?

i in library blogging

omg... i actually in the library blogging.. lol com spoil mahz.. si bei sian..

die die die.. on leave these few days.. yesterday took acct exam.. sian get 74 nia... cant get higher.. my aim is 80 and above.

but okie la.. still okie..

chienwen today birthday.. hapi bday to her..

i looking for job.. but somehow all the job dun suit my timing.. hiaz faster nov come where i clear 1 whoole shot..

must buck in my studies le.. tink lagging behind..

nov gt 1 more.

den dec another 1..

whee.. i on course on finsihing CAT..

nxt ACCA...

hopefully a ntu or nus place.. secured by nxt yr..

looking forward to ord...

happy bday to jincai

okie... becoz i dun have my com.. cant blog as i please.. so it a late wish for myself.

i quite happi.. enjoy my bday cruise in a lst to the big open sea off pulau sudong..

haha.. do nth much there.. except fly in a helipcopter frm ship to pulau sudong.. sian
bday oso tekan nid go outfield exercise.. EXERCISE GOLDENSAND..

hmmm nv bring my hp along.. so did not receive all ur bday wish at firsthand..

but thank u all for ur wishes n the way u remb me.. i quite touched.. thanks..

hmm till now i still receive hapi bday sms.. becoz haha i set my bday in frenster to oct 5..
heheehe

they dunnoe my bdat is oct 3.. but nvm thanks for thier sms n thoughtfulness..

especially ade.. hmm she a gal i know nt so soon ago.. but she left a deep impression on me.. she so much mature than me but she still retain childishnes. i like her alot..
but....
she 23...

hahaha...
anyway i enjoy my bday trip alot.. this yr quite memorable like last yr.. hopefully i get more nicer bdays like this..

as for my bday wish, hmm i just wish the best for all my frens.....love u all muackies..

ade, amelia, chienwei, cailian, lijun, rebecca, grace, jiaqun,yufen, my sisters and cheechun, chenwei, weelung, wenqiang...

sat duty

damn sian .. now duty.. nowadays i keep startiing ,y blog with sian word..

haha yesterday went for ainterview on a library officer post.. so cute... it is quite official.. ask me abt my intro, job skills. wad i learn in sch.. although it last abt 10 mins nia, i like the interiew very much.. i try to impress my interviewers.. can see they quite gd to me
ok la.. its quite fun.. although i cant start after i ord.. they say hr will gif me a call...meaning successful or unsuccessful

i duno la.


tink i hsd go for more interviews to improve my skills..

i tink i still quite sux in the interviewing skills..
any1 can teach m?

sian duty.. shd spend whole day slp..

haizzzzz.... gals very troublesome

well on duty today

get some time to blog.. better to blog ..
i love blogging becoz it tell me the joys n fears n the tears i went throught the last 2 1/2 yrs.
i been through alot.. i admit i tink i have grown abit but still nt enough la..
haha still need alot of ppl to teach mi

i seriously tired... i just wan to ord.. den tink f the great new future..

i still a nsf.. i still limited by many stuff..

i wonder if i can truly be happy... tired tired

i need a job.. help help

seriously in need of a fren..

hmm bday coming..
=)

hapi bday to me
hapi bday to lijun
hapi bday to chienwen
hapi bday to waichuan//

haha
cheers.. may every1 be hapi

hello every after a bz wk

i tink my com spoil.. damn sick with it.. can any1 sponser 1 computer for me?
if some1 do tat, i will marry him for whole life.. damn..

i cannt live without my com.. now i even blogging in camp lo.. damn sad la...

how ah?

sian my life damn chiam la.. just now gif my boss see my leave forecast.. damn sad.. even wan cancel my bday off n extra clearance n ffi which every1 is entitled to..
i know the branch lack ppl.. but sian.. every1 else who is like ording all gt these kind of privileges.. why doesnt i have lei?

damn i dun like bitching abt my life.. but my life.. hiaz.. how to find job in these kind of stagger clearing leave.. help la help la..


i just wan to live a peaceful life.

hmmm receive my first bday present this yr.. i m very touched by it.. usually ppl wun remember my bday.. i just erm nobody to anybody.. i just live quietly .. it is a very nice presnet.. i like it very much.. care to suggest how i repay her back..

seriously i duno..
i owe her too much..

hmm i duno if any1 is still reading my blog arnot.. if u r, thanks for everyting.. n thanks for paying attention to me..

thanks for making me feel my life is nt soemthing tat shd be wasted away..


i just heard abt a guy called dr william tan... oops my mam is here

a wk passed.. n new start

the whole wk.. i was in exercise valiant mark.. very slack though.. totally enjoyed....
hmmm nxt wk i going on off n leave le
hopefully i wun be called back

3 more mths to ord.. alot to think abt.. work, life, romance, money, family, future

alot to stress abt

wad m ii gg to do nxt?

shd i go apply job now? shd i go study mre?

i dun wan to slack anymore but i very scared... scared of facing the world

the cruel world... i scared of interviews.. i scared of meeting office politics...

sian.. i really duno wad to do..

but i nid money...

guess i still gt 3 mth to tink

wednesday!

2 more days to wkend.. but sat gt duty
abit sian.. but wad to do

still feeling sick

haiz cold...

tired offfffffffffffffff 3 guards..

hmm go to nite class yesterday.. the gals r prettoer...wee

sep 3

2 more wks to clear lvea..
honestly i anticpating the time to come fast fast
i tired of waiting

sian hope this wk gt no shit coming my way
i wan ord in peace..

i need job
pls more job come my way

btw 1 more mth to bday

finali back..

hmm reali spent 4 days in cammp.. damn hahha..

lolz actually dun mind... it quite fun staying in camp.. toking cock with camp mates.. doing work

all in ord mood lo.. so it quite ok.... we keep comparing our clearing leave period..

i hope to clear leave by mid sept...

but there are still 2 more weeks..

stress 2 works ahead becoz there are the start of Exercise valiant mark.. where the US marine come over and visit us

sian sia.. hmmm maybe nid wear smart 4 and stay in whole wks... but nvm i can tahan 1

last few days i was in camp due to various reason.. first is duty on tues. den night training on wed,,, n thurs no nite off and fri range.. sat morning nnnnnnid to prepare stuff and then can bk out.. shag/// h,, first time shoot range soo satisfying.. ahtough no marksmanship but still not so bobo as before/... enjoy myself totallgy

thiiiiiiinking of future.. wad will i be in 5 years tiem?

4 more days to wkend

must count down la.. if not life hard to bear with..

sept 10 will mark the 100 more days to ord

gg to say my ord daets will be in double digit

quite hapi

tink i say alot abt army...
hehehhehehe

i hapi go lucky guy or m i?

just come after ahm

ahm army half marathon.. my ord run.. wee no more this kind of run after this

today run 10 km

damn shag now.. leg damn suan

tink tml off.. so can relax awhile...

haiz
must study for acct.. i must make it

wkends.. alert amber.. ahm

this wkend will be quite eventfull..
cb today found out tat my fieldbag haven stolen
totally shocked

why will ppl steal other ppl things
reali no integrity 1
fucked up world

later sat nite will bk in
sunday will have ahm..
satwill have alert maber check n call bacjk

ahm sunday i will need to run 10 km wor
o.O me garang rite
hopefully can see alot of meinu
hehe..

getting lost in this world.. no gals chat withme

midweek bllues n puurple n green

damn sian .. now onli tuesday..

i hate being in camp

totally nt postive abt camp

it is a total waste of time


haiz just hate my life now..

keke..i feel very lonely. duno wad to do now.. btw lijun comment mi.. wah will nv gif up 1.. hmm will nv gif up on marryiing lijun de

haha bieng lame.. paisehz..

me just happy go lucky.. i nv will gif up.. i must be positive.. n get wat i wan..

thanks for hearing my grumbles.. dec 19 .. faster come

tsk tsk heard national rally..

watch the broadcast of national rally on tv

quite interesting.. tok abt wide-ranging topics

but ok la.. ard the same.. economy..jobs..lower income .. elderly.. population.. digital age

zzzzzz

quite relevant to me.. haha even mention abt myspace..

singapore govt making the singapore more competitive.. they urging us to step up to challenge.. haiz

more n more jobs will be offered to foreigners who create valllue..

i need to be vallued person..
i wan achieve
lol cannt be thrown aside by the elite singaporeans n foreigners

i wna be rich

tired sia.. lose money.. eat grass for months

damn sianz.. now blogging after losses of betting money abt 20 dollars.. sad
i wan win money de
bbut damn my luck n fate!

today went play soccer.. lose form.. my usual match sharpness jsut went flat...

i was quite pooped afffter the match

i create a few goals but nv score

damn sad

tml start revise for exams.. n tests.....

jincai u can make it

friday... so long nv blog

finaly a five-day week.. shagged...

just enrolled into 2 more modules..

i wan complete my CAT within 1 yr..

tired sia..shagged.. classes frm monday-thurs.. spend ard 700 in both modules/

whole wk work n work.. feel like the day nv end..

shagged.. run 6km on wednesday and 8km on friday

tml oso gt soccer...

i wan complete my nttu cert bbby this wk

where my acca card.. sob sobx

i felt totally depressed tonite

felt depressed.. feel like the house is compressing me lo..

so i just went out of hse

walk ard tampines

keep thinking of the problems facing me......

cashflow problems

future anxiety


wad will i do in fuuture?

grr i feel so lost.. yet i feel nobody is helping me...

where my buddies?

wad is success?

success is measured by wad u achieved in this life
every person in this life want something
bbut not every1 will get what they want

wad did i wan for this lifE?

i nt sure
my personality is too mellow
haiz

i lost my mum
i lost my motivation

i write down some aims.. like being a CPA and getting a driving license
those aims r secondary
hmm ultimately wad i wan is a hapi life without no worries n lots of frens
haiz

i dun feel that i have alot of frens.. certainly i do not have a gf before
i duno wad the feeling of love
i dun even know wad the feelings of having a person to confide in
i have no frens
haiz
no frens tat care for me anyway

i desire nth for life.. except to make some impact on ppl life
=)
tat will be my success

ndp over.. a new sstart
new beginnings..

tml is ndp

ndp gg to finish
mths of saikang gg to end

3 cheers to ndp

haha

erm know tat i will be getting like 8 days off gals.. kinda console me

=)

3 cheers to ndp

may it be suucesful

wkends!

i totally bored with life..
i totally do nth today
i yesterday oso nc do much
i did nth

n i grow 2 days older
hmm

life is so hard to treasure
frens come n goes
sad


where r my frens when i need them
tired tired
just wan some normality in life

life so simple?

sianz.. now is like 3 am in the morning.. n i cant sleep.. keep thinking of wad to do after ord..

say will find job.. buy job easy to find mehz? i wonder abt it.

now my studies are on hold... 9 modules of CAT..

still awaiting the stupid membership number which willl allow me to take exams..

hmm CAT gt a few writen exams tat could onli be taken at dec or probably may..

sad.. cant reali clear everything in a row..

i nt so capable.. hopefully by end 2007 i can complete CAT and go for ACCA..


okie about my local uni studies.. hmm i will apply again in feb which is so far away..lol
hopefully can go in lo


euff abt studies...

lack of money cause me lose confidence in myselff.. hmm i cant reali have much money to spend on myself.
work work work
i really nid to work.. pls let me ease easily into transition frm nsf to work

now relationships is a big fat zero.. ahh so boring..

hmm 2 more mths to clear leave..

138 days more to orD!!

when can i have the money to learn driving?

oh today take ftt.. heng heng pass.. nv really study..still blur blur on some concepts.. but who cares.. pass liao lo

pass ftt.. nxt target finish my ntu biz n finance cert.. sian alot to learn

tiring wor

hmm long time nv blog

actually nth much.. mon tues just walk aimlessly.. do work chiong chiong..

wed duty.. long time nv do duty.. do until abit frustrated.. haha.. but still ok la

haha gt time to noe a new gal.. melissa.. childcare teacher.. 24.. gif me her hp num.. tink she nt uup to any gd..

another mlm gal?-_-

die... anyway i too tired of gals..
where amelia, lijun, grace, chienwen, minmin?
arghh longntime nv tok

feel plain

now i suddenly tinking whether i shd register for eam in aug 23.. very stress lei

22 days more


now i look at the acct book

like alot to learn

die die die

hmm i envy my frens who can go study

when can i go study?

i lost my hair

so long nv blog..

today is aug 30.. 2 days to aug..

a mth of suffering

becoz i gt lots of things going on
aug 3=> ftt
aug 23=> acct exm


still gt army commitments..
faster finsih lei


i feel heartbroken.. no gals like me
haizzzzzzz... tat why i shd lose hair.. go see my frenster/msn to see my latest look

go back camp

i tinmk i avoiding to study


i bankrupt

wed le

wed le
sianz
father take my 100 dollars..

i scared i nt euff money to further study
sianz..

aug 23 is the date of exam

jia you jincai
aug 3 ftt
arhhhhh

aug 19 epl start

=) i like grace very much

wkend sumup

haiz..go for ndp on sat...haha have fun chatting on bus .. waiting for those performance finsh thier show.. found out there are ppl better than me.. n wan more than mi.. thier desire is so apparent.. haiz
i feel deeply disturbed.. i tot i can work hard n achieve
but think i stil nid a bit of luck n talent

hmm den after ndp
i meet with frens
weelung chenwei chee chun alex teckguan..
we chat chat
chat abt dreams goals, orientation... ntu gals nus gals.. gals .. past love stories.. nz trip.. teckguan

lol lol
found out tat i such a uninteresting person..
feel tat i cant make it

sianz..

i wan k800i
weeeeeeeeeeeeee

companion or dear or buddy or honey...

hmmm.. confused by the definitions of all those words.. i confused..

anyway

nth much happen this wk..


just as usual. ahh feel deadline coming soon.. stress.. stress..

now listening wu yyue tian song to relax

must finish ntu cert by end of july

aug 3==> ftt

by this wkend.. try to revise lesson 1-6 of my T1..

i wan score 100!!!

later going ndp!

boo

erm okie

seriously i duno wad to blog here

i was like damn tired now
hmm

sian.. gals very hard to please

gt any1 have the secret manual of hw to deal with gals suuccessfully

last few days of off

mon to wed off..

do nth much except online n online..

now feel quite tired.. tml camp.. or in like 4 hrs i will be in camp

haha.. is ok with mie when i in camp

i dun nid tink too much

i just immersed in work

no gals problem.. no relationship problems.. no frenship problems

i now quite scared..
toomani ppl know where my blog is..

memories of movies and meeting places

hmmm yesterday i mit a gal at my fav meeting place in tampines mall

the burger king.. becoz it always nt crowded..... mit her at burger king.. she doris.. hmmmit her through wlny..
live quite close to mi.. she 28!!.. haha divorcee with kid.. interesting woman..
gagga.. enjoy chat with her.. ermm she treat me burger king!

haha suddenly let me remember the dates or appt i went on with frens n netfrens.. the movie we see .. the places we meet.. i tink i try to compile here.. if anything else u wn contribute. tell me.. my memory may lapse

lijun=> amelyville horror=> the gal who luff at the movie ==> ps

cailian ==> initial d => toa payoh eng wah

grace==> failure to launch ===> suntec eng wah

green==> slither ===> golden village


wah so few gals.. must jio more

places i first mit gals

tampines mall==> cailian
TM burger king==> michelle, doris
TM kfc=> shiying
plaza singapura==> chienwen, renee
clarke quay=> kim, joycelyn
grace, green==> city hall interchange
lijun peishan xiusen==> wild wild wet
tp=> minmin
amelia=> cineleisure
esther=> marina bay

no doubt life will be better

feel so damn sian.. duno wad to do now..

now no ppl online

,mmaybe i shd go watch tv
maybe i shd do something different

life damn sian la..
haha.. class is just like a sleeping lesson..

it quite a relax revisionlesson for mi...
i hope sept will come soon
i will test myself
muahahaa


okok euff abt cat...

army life has become a routine to me.. i enjoy acting the big brother to the younger clerks who has posted in
suddenly i feel old ..

haha..22 yrs le... n getting more older n older.. but my desire nv fade..
i will remindmyself to do something different.. do thing u nv try before

but damn no cash.. hard to sya anything

wkend sumup

ndp fun n short.. we lie down in bus n tok cok while waiting for the performers to come back... learn tat there r mani mani mani more ppl better than me.. n achieving so muchh

wad the fuck is me? i just a worthless person living in a nightmare.. i just wan something to hold on.. but

okie..
then afterfinishing the saikang, i just went to my normal prata eating place to meet up with frens

weelung chenwei cheechun teckguan alex.. so mani hor.. lol then we start to tok lo

goals, orientation prog, gals pic, teckguan, aust n newzealand trips, loves, past loves, dreams....

i feel terribly down after that.. we chat whole nite

i felt scared n rotten

life is just a disgusting process..

i feel like dying but i cant die..
i will miss my family my frens my
haiz


so mani things i wan do.. but bo money... ahhhhhhhhhhhhh k800i new target!

haha... damn i becoming very spendthrift

but it is very horrible to live a life which u spend half the time to save!
u must enjoy urself!

pass my btt.. enjoy a gd day with my frens

haha off days r so usefull
u can do alot things..

i enjoy todayyyy


hmm morning go take my btt.. after 3 tires, finali succeed

hahahahaaa

den go eat lunch with fren at bugis

den walk ard bugis with fren

enjjjoy the day veri much

buy a book
called the tipping point

hopefully it will inspire mi into greater heights


hmmm sian tml go home.. but yeah.. FTT at aug 3

summarize world cup

exciting season, month of football..

although it do not serve up classics, but i can see wonderful games of football..

this final.. italy vs france.. very exciting n nice..

germany v portugal oso quite exciting with goals..

i love soccer..

argentina vs mexico quite nice oso

england vs portugal gd match oso

italy vs germany oso nice..

ahhhh..

exxciting matches.. outburst of emotions... hmm this is wonderful world cup.. even better than world cup 2002 n euro 2000

hmm thanks god for football..

i wna play soccccccccerrrrrr!!

sundayss

hmm.. 3 more day off..

more pressurized abt my btt

lol i wan pass it once and for all

just now see " remember the titans"

always feel touched by the movie

we can see how the game of football can bridge the gap between race, wealth and society status..

so touched..

hmm a game of football can bring ppl so much joy//
tat why i love soccer...

once on the field. i tink nth else to control the ball, pass a perfect ball to fren,., shooting the ball in the net..

hmm the pleasure of the game..

saturdays blues

later gg ndp.. sianz..

faster finish the shit before embarking on another fabulous days of off..

hehe..
i must buck up
i gt so mani thing to learn..
my accting stuff picking up speed

i learn cash book, cheques.. n... discount allowed n received

sianz..
lol

i nearly felt alsleep in cash..
=x

haha.. nearly tio guard duty on friday.. heng i magic magic.. yea.. avoid it..

wah i still gt 5 more mths to ord lo

still so long.. sianz... i wan excitement

ever optimistic for a simple life

a simple life..
every1 wish so..
as i see through my cupboard of trophies, medals, certificates..
i always been a winner
these trohpies. certificates, medal... but all these seemm so hollow now..
i would rather exchnage all these achievements for a simple life..
forget abt living expenses
forget abt bills
forget abt studies
forget abt everything

just wan a simple life with my lover n family..
everyday just do some planting , jogging, walking ard the park
rearing pets..

but so hard lei..


i quite tired to chase after achievements..
hmm
sadly gt a gal suan mi yesterday

i jokingly ask her to be my wife...

she said" my mother told mi i nid some1 who will earn more n be more capable than mi so that i can have agd life..
n honestly i tink u do not match the criteria.. in 10 yrs time i seriously do not see u climb higher than mi"

damn.. see ppl look down on mi.. i can see alot of ppl look down on mi lo
haiz
tat why i have to do well
but still the engine in mi cannt start again after a few yr of rest
who can motivate me???

my first saa lesson

okie.. firstly saa stand for singapore accounting academy..

my class will be at tuesday and thursday... 7-10pm

aljunied..

tooday my first lesson.===== here how it goes...

hmm 6plus i take mrt.. mit cailian at aljunied mrt.. take book.. go eat dinner with her..

then 7pm arrived.. i was late for 5 min or so..

when i stepped into the classroom, i was so-called disoriented

i can imagine so many ppl.. gt all kind of pppl... gt young office guys, young office ladies.. aunties.. uncles..malays chinese indians... even gt a young teengae boi..omg...

but mostly office ladies.. wee

i sit down at the rear seats in the classroom.. quite big.. lecturer so far frm me..

hmm i receive my notes...

quite interesting.. long time nv study feeling.. i have it back le..

haha actually first lesson quite ok.. very basics of acct

knew the users of acct... accouting equation.. assets.. liabilties.. book keeping. accouting process...return inward/outwards/drawings..

lol simple stuff.. learn before.. do exercise oso damn fast..

perhaps the next few lessons will be tougher..lol

hmm early release of class..zz then went back home to my computer..... still gt 1 more day of off!

tml start sch

scary.. tml start sch.. i officially a student frm saa.. cum nsf..
lolz..
so call me student ok.. dun call me nsf

wahaha..

scary lei..long time nv use brain.. hope nt rusty


jia you jincai

ndp laterr

zzzzzzzzzz.. ndppp later..

lose money yesteday

feel damn sian now

wan to break out of my moodd....

i jealous

i jealous..
no success so far..
why i so lifeless

hmm i wan make my life interesting
but i find it hard to break out of my mindset
can any1 teach me?

moody..

i sumtime tink why shd i wake up


wake up to see life is worth living


why cant i give up on life.. just live a day as it is..

just hoping to die someday

i making my life miserable
by trying to make my life to be worth lliving
i losing my grip
i losing my conviction...

i so tired

off from mon-thurs..

sunday duty nthg much.. super shhiiok

i machiam surf net whole day

slp oso nice

shiok shiok in the aircon

wahaha

4 days free.. must do something

meet gals?

update

* wed - duty

*thurs- ndp and fall sick.. gastric pain.. jialat.. vomit until no day no nite

*fri- duty

*sat - ndp stadium..

*sun-- fuck.. duty again

i like kana extra duties... but all these duties i help ppl cover for a cost

u see i money-grubber..

i need money n lobang.. my CAT need 3 k n then i nid to go for ACCA which cost twice the cost?

wah liew.. sumore i may enroll into ntu/nus/smu... pending application approval..

duno lei.. i seriously need money

money drop frm sky lei

hmm.. i definitelly wan achieve, even at the expense of my life..

=) sian why i bet on world cup ah.. lossess 100 plus... sian

hmm lijun tok to me.. i so happy....

sunday afternoon

actuali today i shd be at camp de...
doing duty
ppl sell me 1
but in the end last min he back out..cb
60 dollars lei
siansss..
i hate ppl like this

whole saturday i do ndp
damn shagged
den i went to watch soccer at weelung hse mac there
nice atmosphere...

haha..
gd matches there
portugal vs iran=> sian
czrch vs ghana=> exciting
italy vs usa
damn controversial

hahaha.. watch till 6 den tok cok to first bus
tired sia
i totally can be knocked out


damn

on a sidenote, i feel happy for fren progress
but
why arent i mprogressing

wad shd i do?

a recap of the week

ok.. meet 3 gal in 3 days.. two on wednesday....

1 on today..

damn shagged

i meet different kind of gals..

ok i slowly describe them

1) renee fu jia yi

haha i meet her n her fren.. super boring..
she the high high class gal..

hmm shop in her branded bag n going into branded gds shop
me totally like a idiot, follow them ard..shopping
tried to tok to them...
but dun seem to have topics to tok lei
i so quiet guy
in the end so sian meet her..
den erm i abit bad.. ask her qns tat i shd nt ask..
tink i left a bad impression on her..



2) kim..

i just know her by kim

she a 24 yr old gal.. when i mit her. is after office hrs..
she wear the OL dress.. it show her cleavage.. although nt bad.. but erm damn sexy la..
hmm she told me abt the society, herself..
in the end, find out tat she a ENYOUTH staff...
supper sian..
but enyouth super alot of chiobus sia..
in the end mit several of her colleague.. they wna me to join..
den they quite tok cock..
She said i sound rude..
ermmm..
die.. i left bad impression on another gal liao


3) wei qing.

she scary
in her pic, i know she is pplump
but when i see her
omg
she was like twice my size and almost as tall as me
omg she can envelop me la..
she say me rude again..
hahaha..

i won battalion best soldier.. just taken the pic.. and plaque.. shiok

ermm omg she wearing a low cut dress.. damn erm un flattering to her figure..haha..
i duno wad to say
just try to hide disappointment and chat with her
we see movie..
shiok
I watch slither..
eeeeeeeeeek show..
nxt time tell u more abt the movie...

haha.basically this is the 3 gals imet

this is the pic i taken for the presentation for best soldier in 3 Guards for may...

i damn tireddd

so sianx..
i veri tired
today whole day walk here n walk there
see thing here n there

in the morning go enrol into saa and register as a memeber of eicaps
wah see my money less a few hundred
super pain wor
sianxx

tired sia.....

chee chunoso go with me..
we go browse see see audio devices at audio house
no difference to me
but the vost damn expensive to me
a few hundred dollars plus for a audio device..
ermm
my dvd player onli cost 99 dollars lo

hahaha...

high quality of life will need high amoount of money
sianz

well off today n tml

well i just went through a tough schedule
yeah!
saturday ndp
sunday duty
hmm den last wk whole wk either duty or doing work

finali i get my rest
monday n tuesday..
now is monday afternn
just haf a nice slp
wah duno wad to do liao
i wan go do something
i wan make my life even better

sian lose world cup money..
today MUST WIN!!

World cup starts now

welcome to the world cup..
it start here now
n i start with a $20 bet on costa rica +11/2
may god bless me again

i long time nv update le..

becoz i 1 wk at camp.. from sunday to friday..

so tired so sians..

i guess i just take it in the chin and look forward

monday tuesday off
shiok!

haha.. but erm saturday gt ndp
sunday gt duty again

tired sia
i gg to die
but monday n tueday
wah hold on, jincaiiiiiiiiiiiii

$$$$$$ desperate times need desperate means

hmm..
ok la..
just took a break from blogging for a wk..
whole week nth much to do or think or anything la..
just being arrowed to do ndp n knowing the news that i will be at national stadium do sai kang every sat frm nxt wke.. so bless me my god..
hear it will be frm 8am till 10 pm lo

sian 1.2

my future seem to be a standstill..

i dunnoe wad to do next..


tink i wan pursue CAT this coming july if i cant have enough money..

then driving.. i will continue to pursue it..
cannt Give up..
failure does not make a man..
success make a man..
lol..

hmm haha yestttterday received news tat i m the most improved soldier for mth of may..
wtf where do i improve in?
sumtime i tink the awards r being screwed up
but gd la..
My COS(certificate of service) will have many thing to write

my ultimate aim is OUTSTANDING.. for cos..

but turbulent unknown times are ahead..
jincai jia you

wah i wan take pictures eveyrday
so as to remember everyday
as i get older, i tink i nid to treasure everyday..
so i hope to do one meaningful thing everyday..

i end my blog

i end my blog after 350 posts n 3 yrs of posting..

hmm

i duno la..
jincai is just cmi person


this wk i reali rotten luck
first go range
maybe i too bobo

a sure-taken markmanship badge n money is there to take but due to my incompetence, we end up missing the badge by 1/4 shot..

1 more shot .. we will get 200 dollars n the badge liao

zzz..

den today i went for my basic theory test

haiz tink i too low morale..
did not do well..
tink the place curse me or i curse the place..
cmi

must b becoz of me ba,...
guess i must concentrate more
do more
i lack too much discipline
always wna to slim down, but nv go run everyday
always wna study moreee, but always seem to give excuses..
damn tired
must be me

why ah

hectic week?

ya quite
duty on friday
mon-thur chiong work
very tired
tml gt range..
sian
shoot shooti hate shooting
i hate guns
sians

heartbreak in paris

yesterday saw arsenal defeated by freak goals in champ league final.

i m devastated..

we play well with 10 man.. wad if we haf 11 man?

so regretful..

nvm arsenal play fantastic football. fulli contribute to the game.. ever excellent in rhe season

i salute arsenal.. best team in europe in my mind


hmm so tired.. thhis week do alot of stuff..
tml i duty
sat morning den come out
wah
long long wk..
just went to appeal course.. just hope no heartbreak sumore...

shit

erm ..
i oso duno wad to post

i create another hotmail acc
if u wan add me, oso can

jaycee031084@hotmail.com

i gt over 400 contacts in my prev msn.. so scary..
sumtime my online personnel can be up to 150

i just breeze through the contacts today n try to trm those who i nv chat.. n thos nv online 1..

in the end can onli cancel off ard 10

the rest all given me some memories i treasure..

eugenia.. the gal .. who in 2004 even considered gg steady with me(but she onli 15 tat yr).. n we share many intimate memories.. haha i always look at her webcam.. now i still gt her frenster.. see her growwth.. i duno why we separate.. duno why we become further away.. she say she wan concentrate on studies/ nmaybe she tink relationship wun work out.. then lidat lo.. still miss her

yizhen.. still always online.. haha oso 14 tat yr when she know me..now 17 this yr.. how time pass..
haha i onli remb abt her is tat i miss seeing her at a event at cineleisure..
lols.. n the countless phone conversation we haf..+_+

minmin.. still online.. haha but gt bf liao.. sad sia..i tink she still regards me as a frens.. haha.. meet her countless times.. be it in tp or anywhere... haha she my first netfren i mit..but nowadays seldom tok long.. is hi bye fren liao

lijun.. the gal who always blk me.. she always gif me mixed feelings.. i oso duno wad she tink of me..
maybe i nt gd euff to be her fren. nwadays she dunn care abt me le.. hais.. wonder how she doing

above those r the ppl i tink we have fallen away frm each other since we noe each other.. hmm we noe each other damn long.. abt 4 yrs le ba.. i tink.. i wonder how they doing n i wish them the best.. haha i cfm wish to get back lijun most.. she the gal who excite my life the most..

cuiting, liwen=> various reason

=_= den the rest our frenship still going on strong after so many yrs.. i thank them for tolerating my crap n lamenesss..


cailian, peishan, amelia.meiqi yanping...yanting



haha this are the gals i knwo from irc..
hahaha.. many yrs le.. i long long time nv play irc le.

now play wholivenearu,myspace,zorpia.. tat why i noe more different gals, broaden my horizons...

bt sumhow i still feel closer to my frens i know from irc..

haha.. dunowhy.. always share my feelins wth them..
maybe fated to be frens ba... thanks for them

anyway i gif myself a english name.. jaycee..
nice?
jaycee chua jincai
wahaha

i gg to be demoralised

there r no gd jobs in the industry lo..
i duno how to choose

7 mre mths to ord..
tsk

scary sia


yesterday went play soccer...
twist my ankle abit..
siannnxx

but i proud of how we play.. with passion.
hehe i enjoy th game..

i tink it over

hmm after a few days of despair n reject,
guess i always knew tat i will going to be rejected...

dec ord.. den i go find work..

now wed thurs off..sians..
duno wad to do..

reali wasted at home to tink of future

hmm
must chieve short term goals:

1) complete my cert of biz n finance
2) complete basic thoery this mth
3) pass my advance

wonder if i have euff money to go to this sem acca course

i wonder wat i gg to type here.. maybe i duno wad to say after receiving two rejections in a row.. i feel numb.. i feel wan to cry.. i nt a strong person.smtime i wish i was born in a better place born in a better times..to have betterthings.. wish my mum wun pass away.. n she will console me like last time when i come back to olvl with my english faiil.. tat is my most humiliating most saddening moment of my life.. i hold the result slip... i slowly walk back to my home.. veri numb.. when i stepped in my hse.. i look at my mum.. i just cried.. i work veyr hard for the result.. i noe the efforts i put in..although at first i nt at all optimistic of my olvl results.. but i work damn hard.. but sumhow life did nt work tat way.. i fail my english..i walk into my hse.. i just gif my result to mymum to see.. i jst cried .. i just shout why i faill.. my mum did not say anything.. she just look at me.. n i just understand.. no matter wat i do, nthg change..... wad for i cry...now.. i at another stage of my life.. i experience this crushing feeling of failure... i fail my driving theory.. tat is unforgivable.. but i can try again.. now both my application for uni r rejected.. they have become my obession.. i tot.. i seriously tot i could make it.. but sumhow maybe i screw it up.. or my result too sux to go in.. i duno the reasons.. maybe i did not work hard during poly.. i admit it.. i nv work hard.. now.. wad for i cry..i haf to face the fact i couldnt make it..i always lucky.. duno why.. i make gd frens... ppl help me.. ppl always treat me gd...but sumhow i nv feel close to my frens ard me.. i feel distant from ppl..now tat i noe i fail in my application/..my frens will go on the other stage without me. i reali duno wad to do le..guess life will haf to go on..but i haf to face the fact tat i a failure..n why i fail.. it all becoz of me..will i haf the ability to stand upwill i haf the ability to finali feel for the worldi nv feel i capable of anything..i just struggle on with my life with the help of mani ppl n my luck..wad my gd points?....i reali dunodo i eveer haf gd points.....i reali scaredreali scared of the futurethere a deep sense of regret in my heart.. i duno how to put it in words..but wad for regret....... u alreadi do tat le..sumtime i tink it all down to me ..my charactermy personalitymy abilityi seriously doubt myself.i tot i can make it through hard work.. i always tink do my best n everything come..but sumhow things dun happen tat way.other ppl go pass thier driving easilyppl go uni easilyppl get to haf things tat i cant haf..i jealouswhy cant i haf the things they hafwhy cant i be hapiwhy cant i haf everything in lifei guess it all down to me..maybe sumtime i tink it better for me to diewad for i live..there nthg in my lifewad bright futurewad lifewad familywad frens..life continue w/o me..i live everyday with anger, regret, sadness,
i seriously hope i die..

jincai is a failure

double shock..

smu reject me..

i feel like a total failure

i wonder why i shd try at all

ello..i m a ntu reject

so sian 0012345

i just received the letter for ntu rejection..

uh wad can i say?

blog blog blog..

haiz.. tml tuesday.. go back camp le..
z.z go back to nagging, marches, scolding, slacking , saikang life
i enjoy the wk
hopefully faster ord

why insurance gal so pretty 1?

hmm today i saw a insurance agent frm aia.. irene tan...
hehe super sexy mature n pretty
lols

haha den friday i saw a agent called michelle frm prudential..
wah super chio

why insurance agents so pretty 1 huh



haha... erm sians pls let me win soccer bets.. i no money le

llife illusion

i wan change my blog appearance..
help!
but i lazy!

haha

i fail my btt

lols..
lols..
lols..
i a failure
now i know le..
although i claim to be gd n ever powerful, but still i a human.. i do faill.. i tink i smart but i not..
i tink i hardworking but i not

now results haf proven tat i sux..
wad can i do?

shd i bow down to fate?

haiz.. no money.. nolife.. no uni letter

i veri sad lei..
my com spoil..
spent last few days keep repairing it..
haiz..

but this wk whole wk off. so spend whole day repair.. till now still nt ok lei..
sian graphic driver nt working n audio driver.. zz duno why..
motherboard problem??

tired....

tml my btt.. very stressed.. wad if i fail?

finali atec finish le..tooday saturday..
haiz friday come back.. find my comspoil..now still havent ok..
tink its system file corrupt alrea
i cantuse mouse or hear voice..
damn boring computer.. die die

sian atec..
we did not score well.
i oso duno why...
maybe we as a battalion relai sux..
commanders sux
man sux..
haha
wad a failure we a battalion is
hmm
i duno wad to learn from this experience
but we haf to move on as all gd man does..
hmm wad next for my life

oh basic theory next friday ss

hmm smu interview,,,,,,,~~~

i lazy o summarize wad goes on in smu interview..
basically gt 4 rds of qns
1st is article reading n analysis
2nd why smu
3rd is estimation qn
4th isworkig together in grp n solving a riddle..

hmm i duno la.. i feel gd abt the interview mainly thanks to the gd wishes frm frens n net frens..
veri sincere thanks to amelia, cailian, chee chun, chenwei who went down smu with me..
haha..
alot ppl wish me gd luck.. thanks..
with them, i gain confidence..
hopefully i impress the interviews and secure place in smu..
hmm seriously smu is like a poly..
hmm
ssstudy n go ..~~
hmm duno whether is gd arnot?
should uni comprise living together n studying together, morning rush to class in slipper den rush back to hostel?
or in smu, dress up, take mrt, rush to sch, take lesson, after lesson, go to nearest shopping mall, or go home?
seriously i prefer wad kind of education le?
i seriously dun wan to contemplate..
ntu faster come lei..i wan ntu~~

hmm this wk outfield.. atec lei.. sians..
must do well
den gt long break

smu interview -- 150406 --

happie gd friday to u all, christians n all frens..

raining n raining

quite boring


me morning come back frm duty.. contemplating wad to wear...
prepare le..

den now wan prepare for the essay n qn n watever i can prepare for..

but somehow i duno lei..
i duno where to start

hmm
its reali just ermmmm a thing tat ic ant read bookss on, cant revise...

how can i revise?

die le la..
how to impress the interviewees..
i wan to go into smu..
i wan go ino smu

smu interview on 15 apr 2006

uh.. smu.. afternn call me.. quite shock.. offer me interview to a course called bach in information sys..
wtf.. i mena,.,, i dun even know wad course is that..
haha..
sianssss
cant go into biz, acct
haiz
guess i too lousy
wad to do?
study or no study
i see the website like the course quite interesting..
hmm but deal with IT lei
super sianz IT
haaaaaii..
anyway sat gg to haf interview
will do my best
cannt go in den is nt fated liao
lol..
anyway..
i nt fated to go uni.. i guess?

sunday

where my life~!~!?

haha.. sat mrning wake up damn early at 6.... den go marsiling..
go singapore american school.. join a grp of volunteers.. with chee chun n wlung..
lol.. we quite shy there..they ask us to be more cheerful n active.. we sit in bus den go savh(singapore association of visually impaired).. we r supposed to be the guide for them to move ard.. hmm there r ppl frm all age.. frm 13 to 60 i tink.. most of them quite old.. wah sian.. really dunnoe how to communicate.. guess i made alot of mistakes.. like pointing the direction where they cannt see.. they let me try to use my voice mre.. learn to communicate more.. let me know tat there r ppl with dreams and so on.. more desolate ppl with dreams but lack capability to achieve it.=x..n i see how society can be tat cruel to them or so gracious towards them.. saw alot of warmhearted ppl..
nt bad..~~

more volunteer work pls..

uh.. den play soccer at tp.. damn shagged.. lose the match terribly..
den go eat dinner..
den go boon keng eat prata..
hahaha

lol..i gt a lively debate with cheenwei on further educations n so on..
zzz
he siao on 1..
idots

now sunday le.. wad shd i do?

ciaoz.. go study lo.. no time no time
singapore society can be saved..=P
in all, it is quite enriching experience.. hoping to go for more..
any offers?

plans ahead? for this wk

uh.. today on leave (blk leave) la.. so sian.. dun wan to take 1 but bo biannnn..........

so nth much to do today.. woke up damn early today..

for past few days, nth much.. just planning on mon n wed.. den duty on tues.. den guards day on thurs..
our unit cannt make it.. losing alot of events to new recruits...
uh how to get RECON 1 sia

die liao la
hmm
but i learnt fighting spirit
lose alreadi dun gif up frm my Co
although can see him visibly disappointed.. he tried to motivate us thrgh his lau ya speecch..
haha.. unit cannt make it.. maybe due to his poor leadership.. always scold commander in frt of man, tink causing commander to be disillusioned and man to lose respect for commanders.. thus having a sub culture of bo chap...
guess he tried his best..

hmm i tink i have to try my best in watever i do.. if fail once, must try twice.. if fail twice, must try countless time..
fighting spirit..
today do nth but read books n study my biz n finance..
sat do volunteer work..
sunday same old stuff..
hmm
maybe today wana gamble on tampines vs albretirex

bo money liao.. i poor guy

plans ahead? for this wk

uh.. today on leave (blk leave) la.. so sian.. dun wan to take 1 but bo biannnn..........

so nth much to do today.. woke up damn early today..

for past few days, nth much.. just planning on mon n wed.. den duty on tues.. den guards day on thurs..
our unit cannt make it.. losing alot of events to new recruits...
uh how to get RECON 1 sia

die liao la
hmm
but i learnt fighting spirit
lose alreadi dun gif up frm my Co
although can see him visibly disappointed.. he tried to motivate us thrgh his lau ya speecch..
haha.. unit cannt make it.. maybe due to his poor leadership.. always scold commander in frt of man, tink causing commander to be disillusioned and man to lose respect for commanders.. thus having a sub culture of bo chap...
guess he tried his best..

hmm i tink i have to try my best in watever i do.. if fail once, must try twice.. if fail twice, must try countless time..
fighting spirit..
today do nth but read books n study my biz n finance..
sat do volunteer work..
sunday same old stuff..
hmm
maybe today wana gamble on tampines vs albretirex

bo money liao.. i poor guy

i wonder how mani ppl r actuali hapi in this world

hmm..
duno lei...
i guess all r nt hapi in this world..
every moment in this world.. gt at least 1 person tink of dying ..
i also duno wad to say...
i wonder can really be hapi?

i scared of real world..
i scared of myself
i wan to be hapi

wei jincai dun gif up on life yet!

i know i cant get anything in my life..
i born poor
yet i gt ambition
i wan light up my life
but somehow i just dun haf the fuel...
3 yrs in poly.. very slack.. yet damaging to my future
wonder if i choose wrong route of life.
but wta iis done was done..
i haf to soldier on..
i always gt competitive spirit..
i m nt smart
i nt even gd..
i just depend on luck..
i guess my luck has ru out...
my porud mentality does not let me gif up.. does nt wan me cower in fear of failure.. i hate failing.. i dun like to fail.. no matter in life.. i just wan to chieve watever i can..
sometime i tink i love to take the safe route.. so tat i wu face failure.
now i taken the first steps towards the sea.. hope i dun drown in it..
taking certificate in biz n finance..
applying for uni.. offering the chance of failure n rejection to god.
applying for driving basic theory, knowing i a cock person...
i wan take big steps toward a big future..
no risk, no gain~

how should i do now? no money.. no life... sumore my father is getting old..
my siblings going to uni... i dun wan to be burden,,,
i can and will succeed in life..
mother i wun make u disappointed..
failure will mean too much for me

.

off day

wonder why i feel so empty today..
went out with grace
feel so tired oso
duno wad went over mi ba..
just cannt brng out the mood in me
now i feel so sian liao.
tired of stupid life
wonder wad i going to do in 1 yr time


i very nt confident abt myself..
why i cant go into uni
it maybe the first time i gg to fail in my stupid life?
maybe the first time i deserve to fail?
i think that is wad i deserve to be so slack for past 1 yr in poly
getting a D in java n fyp
stupid me
nv tink of future
now i suffering
i guess i can nv forgive myself


but this is just a stupid test to me n my life
i guess i haf to overcome
but saying is easy
doing is difficult

i feel friendless
all my frens going into uni
while i stuck here in quagmire.
stuck in this mud tat i nv get off..
i feel so dirty
i feel so unaaccomplished.

will i still have my frens,my happiness next yr?

lazy to blog but still here anyway

hmm.. so tired today.. i tink i almost slp all the way today..
duno why sia..
maybe i deserve some rest ..
so i decide take off..
hahaha..
on thurs..
tired =(
i feel like zombie..
haha
but i still awake now..

i jus register for basic theory..
chiong ahhhhhhhhhhhhh..
tests tests i love tests..
sian i nv apply for alevel
becoz tink i cannt cope

tired

undecided

i gt 8mths plus to ord..
hmm
ntu results coming out soon next wk.. i tink
i hope i can go in
haiz..




if nt den how?

i duno how le..
i feel depressed
very tired this wkend
duno wad to do ..

alevel as a private?

i think i will go take alevels as a private candidate?

my sis encourage me

i tink i can make it
but who knows

maybe my disclpine nt euff
den caannnot liao

tired sia..
osos tink will go for driving lesson soon..
haha first take thory tests first
hmm
maybe get le den tink of driving
haha..

now i learning cert in biz n finance..
very tough
alot of calculation
si bei sianz
but can cope la

haha...

ahh later the yr may go take acca yr 1 lesson
tat 1 tougher
duno wan to take arnot

2 days of intense war planning

thursday n friday is war planning exercise.. lolz.. trapped in tat room for so long..sian.. miss my home sia....
nth much..
onli 1 special moment capture mi..
our rsm tok to us when he freen 1 tme..
he tok abt ur experiences and mottos..
quite meaningful
his motto " live without regret"
it shall be my motto too..
i wan go everywhere in the world
i wan see the worldddddd
ahhhhhhhh
i too narrow minded in this small world..
tired of the world

hmm tml meeting with chenwei.. he go see indina gals over last mth
wonder how he
lol..
haha..=) no life no life no life

i miss her touch

i miss her toucch
miss her touch on my arm
i love the way she touched my arm
the way she hold my arm..
the way she tok
the determined eyes
the spirit
the way she spoke of her hopes..
but too bad she just another personn who just hanker after ..

i guess ppl noe each other for a motive

lesson learnt: gals dun throw herself on u

haha they gt motive 1

yesterday went on a date/meeting with jocelyn..

well went to raffles place.. go coffeeshop.. later bring me to office
sound familiar modus operandi..

becoz i do it before.. 2 or 3 yrs ago. i oso went to this office, albbeit it is in eunos..
zzz

haha.. its mlm or slm or directs elling at its best..lolz
dunnoe tat she actuali do this thing..
although she sound driven n focused
sumhow i duno she do tat kind of things

nt say it is a bad thing.. bt it nt suitable for every1.. hopefully she understood it..
n drag her out of it fast
udergo hrs of persuasion.. but still i nt convinced.. she tok tok tok tok.. n ask her superior or wad tok tok tok.. maybe i too dumb to them.. so they wan deceive me
haha.. but lol i m unmoved

zzzzzzzzzzz
joc ah joc hope u can extract urself out of it..
reali sound like cult.. greet each other.. promising to help every ppl to rise up

zzzzzzzzzz

hmm guess gals reali so bad..
cant anyow trust gals

battalion cohesion at kallang river

a day spent at kallang river

okie la.. nt much fun.. but nt too bad too.. at least early go home..
haha..

tired tired.. hmm dunnoe tat dragonboat is such fun.. row n row n row..
n there r tp dragonboat team instructors there
TP ROX
haha my fav sch,,,,,
heex..........................

den after tat battalion, i just went home
n spent a wonderful nite hereeeee ....

wad will weekend bring?

i found a special girl

hmm on sunday i found a special gal.. she a gal i msg in wlny.. tink i know her in the beginning of yr..
haha..she veri cute .. when i first mit her, alreadi haf deja vu.....
omg tink i m starring in meet the parents movie lidat.. she was there with her FATHER!

haha... i faster retreat sia... so fast mit the parents... wahah she want to get married to me?

lol.. decided to go to marina sqaure.. walk nxt to her.. find it weird.. notice i cant reali loook her in eye.. haha.. me shy boi i guess..
haha..
after walk ard to decide where to dine in.. she very cheeky lei.. ask me treat.. haha i reali dunnoe how to react

i nt a romantic person or i a " know how to act in guy-gal occasion" people.. or gentleman.. so
this stunned me..
lol

finali decide on long john silver.. haha in the morning i was oso thinking of long john silver becoz i saw pamper me meal.. yummy.. but it is shrimp.. i cant eat SHRIMP or prawn..
lol..hmm hmm she act very lady.. hm wait for me to buy food for her.. haha first time sia.. usualli gal very independent 1..haha maybe i guess she is like tat..
heex she stole my chicken n french fries

haha.. den went to marina square open space..den sit on bench.. den chat

i find her cute
the way she act.. hmm
getting to like her?????

question marks..

haha me tml going for dragon boat cohesion day at kallang river.. n then long wkend
shiok!

when u gt nthg todo.. tat the best thing tat can happen to you

i often wonder if in life, i haf nth to do den wad will i feel?

i tink i will feel uneasy..
becoz i tink i born to suffer
i tink i like the time when i gt alot of things to do
n trying to finish it is a challenge to me
guess i like challenges
no challenge no fun
i must surmount the challenge n be a better person

m i a crazy person?
3 more day to bk out day

forgettable saturday

nth much to do lei..
walk ard suntec
see IT SHOW
brrr

except alot of chiobu
i see nth interestig
wanted to buy digital cam
found it quite cheap
but ahhh..
hmm dun wan to spend the money lei..
gg to save up for future expenses..
n i dun tink it is a gd investment rite now..

haha n i saw 1 chio bu blogger
http://joewei.blogspot.com

she the gal..
i wonder if i m the guy u mention in the blog
but i guess not..
haha..

oo wkend pass so fast
i wan see movies

just to continue..

meet a great gal on saturday..
now ppl keep toking abt it?

hmm... my blog is nt reali a secret blog i wish to be.. hmm

but nvm..
i sgave the url to ppl who i reali care for..
n maybe they care for me then read the blog
so it alrite
anyway


sunday
activation day
at8 am..
veyr busy
i set up counter
full battle order
wait for further instruction
instruction=> support coy load ammo.. rdy to move out

haha i quite hapi.. mean i dun nid do anything
heex
so spend whole afternoon do this
den go eat dinner..
actuali activation exercise nth much
heex...
but then suay thing is when recovering ammo, 1 round was lost..
sianz
we all nid to stay in
becoz a search is being conducted for it..
haiz stay in

den monday mrning nid to wake up again at 7
o conduct a search for it
den suddenly we found it..
lol
it as actuali in the sbo of 1 guy
stupid kia
we cannt bk out in the sunday evening due to this guy
sianz..
so we stay in whole sunday for this missing round
lol
waste whole sunday..

den rest of wk pretty mundane.. nth happen
today hq cohesion day
half day
tml duty
sian
bk in ard 7 i tink
hope it is a hapi day la

just to continue..

meet a great gal on saturday..
now ppl keep toking abt it?

hmm... my blog is nt reali a secret blog i wish to be.. hmm

but nvm..
i sgave the url to ppl who i reali care for..
n maybe they care for me then read the blog
so it alrite
anyway


sunday
activation day
at8 am..
veyr busy
i set up counter
full battle order
wait for further instruction
instruction=> support coy load ammo.. rdy to move out

haha i quite hapi.. mean i dun nid do anything
heex
so spend whole afternoon do this
den go eat dinner..
actuali activation exercise nth much
heex...
but then suay thing is when recovering ammo, 1 round was lost..
sianz
we all nid to stay in
becoz a search is being conducted for it..
haiz stay in

den monday mrning nid to wake up again at 7
o conduct a search for it
den suddenly we found it..
lol
it as actuali in the sbo of 1 guy
stupid kia
we cannt bk out in the sunday evening due to this guy
sianz..
so we stay in whole sunday for this missing round
lol
waste whole sunday..

den rest of wk pretty mundane.. nth happen
today hq cohesion day
half day
tml duty
sian
bk in ard 7 i tink
hope it is a hapi day la

eventful few days

saturday

have a great day...

why lei.. i saw a very very very nice nice gal..
her name is joycelyn..22.. nus yr 2 biz student..
i also dunnoe how i get the courage to meet her
or i oso dunnnoe how surprised for me that a gal who noe me for onli ab 2 wks.. can jio me out for a meeting..

i met her.. n i nv regret it...

she is the beuatiful angel tat u can onli find in a blue moon..

tat day she is dressed like a angel..
dressed in white spagettic with flowery print.. n ncie denim skirt.. the kind tat show off her beautiful legs..

she gt beuatiful long hair

i quite amazed by her appearance although she was late
i waited by bugis burger king there.. glancing through each gal to see whose her.. becoz i totally have no idea how she looks like

she recognized me first..
haha.. i totally cant recognize her

hmm very funny her lei.. first she wore her new shoes to sch.. so feet gt blister.. so i bring plaster for her..
den she say her sis wan buy 4d.. so i go find 4d center for her..
hmm she look n sound like sha da jie..
but she still very cute n lovely...

then we went to burger king eat...
hmm sumhow the food is nt reali touched..
becoz we keep on toking n toking..
we tok on wide range of topics..
she even tok abt her family
n show me her neoprint of family photo long ago..
she sound so knowledgeable
tat i cant describe how smart she is
haha
she is unbelieveably gorgerous, smart n intelligent gal
no words can describe her..

haha.. after 2 hr or so.. n finali eat finish my little whopper junior..
haha i had to leave.. becoz i arranged to meet my fren in bugis to walk ard..
ahhhhhhhhhhh
i reali dun wan to leave the burger king.......
i can c she oso dun wan?
i dunnoe .. maybe i sense wrong..
hahaha
we walk away from the burger king.. n i walk her striaght to bus stop..
n then we bade farewell..
wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
so sad
she is simply fabulous..

haha.. i very funny lei.. i even returned her 10 cent change to her
becoz he meal cost 5.90
n she piad me 6 dollars..
heex
i duno la
ihow i should act in this instance?

haiz
den sat nite i bk in
n thus a long day==> my alert red standby...
hmm later update u abt this
hm i reali du regret meeting her

i wonder when can i evr finish my ns?

wah getting tired of ns..
alot of things to do

so late to slp
why cant i have a normal life?
hmm just wake up, work frm 8 to5
slp rest play the rest of the day..

maybe tat will be a perfect life of mine
haha
but somehow i tink i wun be satisfied with this life..
i wan my life to be tougher
it trains me..
i nv want to gif up..
i wan to excel...
anyway 289 days to ord
hope my life will get better as in i will have more obstacles to overcome..

my main weakness of life is tat my attitude
i do thing sloppily
n lazy.....
i wonder how i should change this

my 300th posts.. congrats

hmm i used almost 2 yrs to write 300 posts.. tat so cool
haha..
sian..
sneak out tonite..shhhhhhhsss

i love sneaking out
becoz i love to sit in frt of com listen music
n msn chat
i dunnoe why i enjoy doing tat..maybe it is becoz of many ppl in msn
so i wun get bored
or simply i love the feeling of being free?

uh come help do this thing


http://kevan.org/nohari?name=jincai

thanks.........
maybe i take the advice n maybe i wun

i guess i wan control my life

hmm..
i wan to control my life
i dun wan to be a weakling le
i wan my life to be focused and ultimately to be a hapi one..

i know i nt tat disclpined yet.. but slowly bahz..
i wan to achieve watever i wan
i noe i can do it
i wan to be a self centered bastard
hmm
i wan live on for my mother, to live on for myself...

i just want to be number one again

hmm haha long time nv take pic=(
wan to put new pic in post..
but dun haf camera lei
sianz

omg..a gal had phone sex with me

hmm..
serious shit..
gt a gal who i noe online call me today ard 9..
den say if i horny arnot n so on..
erm
i play along..
then
she start to moan..
n say alot of dirty stuff..
wah very paisehz........

hmm but i was turned on...
serious shitss..
should i avoid the gal?

beautiful sat nite

hmm

yeah went to my fav prata shop at boon keng again..
watch soccer again
hmm chat n tok rot for a few hrs again
i always enjoy these few hrs of private reminisincing and chatting with my frens, sharing tots and enjoying each other company..
haha
poking fun at each other n making fun of the events tat happened ard us..
hmm once in a while this kind of gathering reali rox..
haha..

reali looking forward to these kind of gathering.. where chenwei go this time..
go india jalan jalan.. so sad..

hopefully next time can see him again

i hope i will be a bus, to be able to noe which stop i m stopping at, n where i will end up at..
becoz life is usali a cycle of processes..
i reali wan to enjoy each process ....

now i reali optimstic
hmm but i lose money today again
sian damn chelsea...
erm..

i saw nth buy darkness..

may darkness glorify ur day!!
god save me!
haha.. weird jincai

lol..

anyway yesterday bk out early.. hah 8pm lol..
took a bus home.. saw a gal n guy.. making out at the behind of the bus..
i was like omg..
they kiss passionately..
hmm
the gal still in sch uni

i was olike.." wtf"//
n then i very sad..
i nv haf this kind of experience before//
lol.. weird ppl dun haf this kind of thing 1. la


then today whole day at home.. wan to make plans.. to go out.. but sumhow plans dun work out.. so i stay hoome.. slp whoole afternn.. sumtime slping is blissful
now i feel like shit when writing this blog.. wan something to blow off my frustration
but cannt find lei
cant find web frens to blow off on..
arghh
real frens oso cannt
wish i can go running
jogging or anything

frustrating day!

300 days to ord

very tired

300 days to ord

yeah!
haha finali can count to 200something

mean very fast la

10 more mths
heee
fast fast
new optimism

new hopes

boring off day- 220206

off day tml?

hmm.. today tuesday.. later gg to watch rela marid vs arsenal.. super shiok match
hmm tml off day..
but tml gt activation stuff going on
i scared i being called back
haiz
so i praying to god tat nothing happen la
hopefully la

anyway nothing much happened these days

where is the love

i gt nthg to say abt today
except abit sian
totally no mood to do anything
abit sick i guess
hahaha...
whole day online
finding ppl to fan

hmm i duno if i conservative or wad..
but i dun like gals call guys to mit up or even gals asking guys to be bf..
haha always tink is the guy job
n it a job i did terribly
hahaahaha
super sianz la..
nobody to date
nt even in feb 2007
i just a failure?
hmm maybe i should close down myself to the world
n tink of onli 1 thing
to achieve success
success is measured by money i guess
i wan earn more money
more more more
money is root of all worries
lmore money mean less worry
haiz tok too much.. bye haf a ncie wkend..
i gtg for duty later

hapi valentine.. outfield for past wk

on 14 feb 2006, it is valentine
while every1 is busy out dating,
i was outfield
hmm
but oso quite romantic
becoz i was sitting on a helicopter.. super puma up the sky in a full moon nite
very beautiful nite..
haha
i being flown over one are to the otherare..
the short 6 min ride.. over the beautiful sights of the sleepy island

haha
den spend whole nite in jungle

hmm quite relieved tat this outfield exercise is finally over.. walk n walk
hmm walk until very tired
so wat ahead for me

i very tired now
just wan to have a gd rest
just wish i can b happy again

nobody ever wan toc are for me le
but i anyway gt no time for any 1 le

i wan to complain

i so long nv update post le..
very busy la..
dun even haf time to self study lo
si bei sianz
but ah i also wonder if i finding reason to avoid study
cannt ka.. jincai is determined to make his mark..just want to be ahppy for once n for ever.. can god grant me this wish??

for past few days, i been busy wtih battle planning..
alot of stuff to preapre...
so not much time to be online
so was quite sad..
colleague verystressed
complain n complain
i heard until sian le...

somehow i just wish to have a peacefulk ord which is abt 310 days away
haha
stress lei
i hate being tortoise in army le
keep hiding myself frm work
my work alot lo
try to hide le but still being aimed to do it..
alot of work work wokr work work
stress stress
i yesterday day nire 10 plus go bk
den we today everyda 1 do work finsh

havent finsihs but i bk ard ard 5om to go home
so i reali veri tred

long wk ahead
outfield lo

tired days

now almost 10le..
just bk out frm camp..
gg back soon..
now HQ COY gt so mani activities..
wah so sian lei..
veri tired...
things after things..
tired leiiiiiii
why nobody console me?
haiz wkend lose money..
but doing duties help me earn ard 80 bucks..
so quite hapi.
hmm next wk go outfield again
wonder wad it like again
i tired of being so bzzzzzzzzzzz...
bt oso nice la...
keep mi occupied..
i rdy for ord

sat duty.. sunday boredom

saturday duty... so is ok la.. nth much.. slp whole nite.. actuali wan study study but no mood..
lol so slp la..
haha..
n secretly go onnnline in office.

boring day.. but earn 50 dollars..

sunday a bad day...

the duty ppl who replace me get mc..
i find ppl to replace him.. but all claim to be on mc or something.. very very tired of these stuff...
sad sad...
it a bit disgusting to see this kind of thing..
finali replacement come ard lunchtime den i bk out..
lol totally no mood for the day

hmm later gg to bk in soon
a long wk
hope can survive....

sian cant contact lijun at all

summary of wk activites..

hapie cny finish.. so back to biz in army camp..
bk in wed morning..

hmm.. normal stuff lo.. do work slack.. but then gt wat stupid AAR.. after action review meeting.. basically tok cock session.. it started frm thursday till maybe nxt wk?

quite slack this wk.. but however... cant bk out.. actually wan secretly booked out on thurs nite.. but veri tired la.. den slp slp lo..
haha wah
i slpt alot this wk lo..
actually getting to like to slp le..
but lol...

actually friday 2pm can bk out.. but being HQ coy, we bk out late... we reallyd epends on the whims n wishes of our superiors.. which i dislike very much.. today i abit noisy..
haha kana alot of arrows.. shit..
nid to do alot of stuff..
sian sian..


kana 1 time big arrow
during cny celebration in our battalion, i was arrowed to be the head of a lion.. i actuali nid to do a lion dance.. omg.. i nv been trained in this.. i was expected to hold teh stuff for a few sec... den go up perform le.. in the end we perform like shit..

the lion head very heavy.. haha now i noe how the ppl move the eyes n ears of the lion.. strings..
lol

however inside very hot sia.. i lazy to pulll the string n so on..
wah super tired la..
is like 5 min stuff........
i was sweating all over..


first time perform lion dance..
shit..........................

hahaha.. any comments? wan hire me?


sianz.. gg to bk in later to do duty.. which is a sad thing..
hmm gg to miss gatehring dinner..w hich is another sad thing..
but tink after atec which is in apr..

maybe i will be more free
hopefully