heartbreak in paris

yesterday saw arsenal defeated by freak goals in champ league final.

i m devastated..

we play well with 10 man.. wad if we haf 11 man?

so regretful..

nvm arsenal play fantastic football. fulli contribute to the game.. ever excellent in rhe season

i salute arsenal.. best team in europe in my mind


hmm so tired.. thhis week do alot of stuff..
tml i duty
sat morning den come out
wah
long long wk..
just went to appeal course.. just hope no heartbreak sumore...

shit

erm ..
i oso duno wad to post

i create another hotmail acc
if u wan add me, oso can

jaycee031084@hotmail.com

i gt over 400 contacts in my prev msn.. so scary..
sumtime my online personnel can be up to 150

i just breeze through the contacts today n try to trm those who i nv chat.. n thos nv online 1..

in the end can onli cancel off ard 10

the rest all given me some memories i treasure..

eugenia.. the gal .. who in 2004 even considered gg steady with me(but she onli 15 tat yr).. n we share many intimate memories.. haha i always look at her webcam.. now i still gt her frenster.. see her growwth.. i duno why we separate.. duno why we become further away.. she say she wan concentrate on studies/ nmaybe she tink relationship wun work out.. then lidat lo.. still miss her

yizhen.. still always online.. haha oso 14 tat yr when she know me..now 17 this yr.. how time pass..
haha i onli remb abt her is tat i miss seeing her at a event at cineleisure..
lols.. n the countless phone conversation we haf..+_+

minmin.. still online.. haha but gt bf liao.. sad sia..i tink she still regards me as a frens.. haha.. meet her countless times.. be it in tp or anywhere... haha she my first netfren i mit..but nowadays seldom tok long.. is hi bye fren liao

lijun.. the gal who always blk me.. she always gif me mixed feelings.. i oso duno wad she tink of me..
maybe i nt gd euff to be her fren. nwadays she dunn care abt me le.. hais.. wonder how she doing

above those r the ppl i tink we have fallen away frm each other since we noe each other.. hmm we noe each other damn long.. abt 4 yrs le ba.. i tink.. i wonder how they doing n i wish them the best.. haha i cfm wish to get back lijun most.. she the gal who excite my life the most..

cuiting, liwen=> various reason

=_= den the rest our frenship still going on strong after so many yrs.. i thank them for tolerating my crap n lamenesss..


cailian, peishan, amelia.meiqi yanping...yanting



haha this are the gals i knwo from irc..
hahaha.. many yrs le.. i long long time nv play irc le.

now play wholivenearu,myspace,zorpia.. tat why i noe more different gals, broaden my horizons...

bt sumhow i still feel closer to my frens i know from irc..

haha.. dunowhy.. always share my feelins wth them..
maybe fated to be frens ba... thanks for them

anyway i gif myself a english name.. jaycee..
nice?
jaycee chua jincai
wahaha

i gg to be demoralised

there r no gd jobs in the industry lo..
i duno how to choose

7 mre mths to ord..
tsk

scary sia


yesterday went play soccer...
twist my ankle abit..
siannnxx

but i proud of how we play.. with passion.
hehe i enjoy th game..

i tink it over

hmm after a few days of despair n reject,
guess i always knew tat i will going to be rejected...

dec ord.. den i go find work..

now wed thurs off..sians..
duno wad to do..

reali wasted at home to tink of future

hmm
must chieve short term goals:

1) complete my cert of biz n finance
2) complete basic thoery this mth
3) pass my advance

wonder if i have euff money to go to this sem acca course

i wonder wat i gg to type here.. maybe i duno wad to say after receiving two rejections in a row.. i feel numb.. i feel wan to cry.. i nt a strong person.smtime i wish i was born in a better place born in a better times..to have betterthings.. wish my mum wun pass away.. n she will console me like last time when i come back to olvl with my english faiil.. tat is my most humiliating most saddening moment of my life.. i hold the result slip... i slowly walk back to my home.. veri numb.. when i stepped in my hse.. i look at my mum.. i just cried.. i work veyr hard for the result.. i noe the efforts i put in..although at first i nt at all optimistic of my olvl results.. but i work damn hard.. but sumhow life did nt work tat way.. i fail my english..i walk into my hse.. i just gif my result to mymum to see.. i jst cried .. i just shout why i faill.. my mum did not say anything.. she just look at me.. n i just understand.. no matter wat i do, nthg change..... wad for i cry...now.. i at another stage of my life.. i experience this crushing feeling of failure... i fail my driving theory.. tat is unforgivable.. but i can try again.. now both my application for uni r rejected.. they have become my obession.. i tot.. i seriously tot i could make it.. but sumhow maybe i screw it up.. or my result too sux to go in.. i duno the reasons.. maybe i did not work hard during poly.. i admit it.. i nv work hard.. now.. wad for i cry..i haf to face the fact i couldnt make it..i always lucky.. duno why.. i make gd frens... ppl help me.. ppl always treat me gd...but sumhow i nv feel close to my frens ard me.. i feel distant from ppl..now tat i noe i fail in my application/..my frens will go on the other stage without me. i reali duno wad to do le..guess life will haf to go on..but i haf to face the fact tat i a failure..n why i fail.. it all becoz of me..will i haf the ability to stand upwill i haf the ability to finali feel for the worldi nv feel i capable of anything..i just struggle on with my life with the help of mani ppl n my luck..wad my gd points?....i reali dunodo i eveer haf gd points.....i reali scaredreali scared of the futurethere a deep sense of regret in my heart.. i duno how to put it in words..but wad for regret....... u alreadi do tat le..sumtime i tink it all down to me ..my charactermy personalitymy abilityi seriously doubt myself.i tot i can make it through hard work.. i always tink do my best n everything come..but sumhow things dun happen tat way.other ppl go pass thier driving easilyppl go uni easilyppl get to haf things tat i cant haf..i jealouswhy cant i haf the things they hafwhy cant i be hapiwhy cant i haf everything in lifei guess it all down to me..maybe sumtime i tink it better for me to diewad for i live..there nthg in my lifewad bright futurewad lifewad familywad frens..life continue w/o me..i live everyday with anger, regret, sadness,
i seriously hope i die..