blog post 495

not yet sleeping.. just watch finish arsenal vs everton.. 4-1 arsenal =D...

woohoo.. good.. but nv bet..

life is always full of ironical stuff... i just wish for good things to happen more often than bad things..

this 2 3 mths abit sucky... things that shd nt happen happen becoz of my insistence n fault..

i feel i shdnt do this but yet i do it.. becoz i just dun seem to like to take the easy route..


anyway life is abt experiences.. i just wish i can make full use of the experiences to reali make myself grow for the future..

the future is still bright.. i still wan meet new ppl.. meet new frens.. have new loves.. fall in n out of love.. travel new places.. explore new things.. learn to enjoy life.. have a positive mindset...

yup.. alot to learn n grow.. have alot thing to change.. i guess life n me is nv perfect.. becoz of my inperfectionism cause so much hurt to me.. n make me lose lots of potential experiences n frenship n romance..

i seriously hope i can improve.. so tat with new improved life, i can enjoy my life.. i alreadi live abt a quarter of a century.. still have a lifetime ahead.. need to appreciate every moment of life...
seizing the moment to have new experiences.

moments in life... so precious...


sandy t an i reali need to forget my love for u..

forget the times we spent together

chatting frm 9-6 while doing work
teasing u always
watching u kana teased by others..
ur glaring at me with ur cute big eyes..
ur hating to wear ur specs.. (u look cute in ur specs lei) veri ah ma
ur laziness n slacky.. (so similar to me)
ur "wah laos" n "ting bu dao" n " huh"
ur smile
i wait for u alight the bus before i go home..
ur sweets..

lol.. say too much.. just wan blog so i can reference back..lol

i hope i can meet another nice ger like u again...

ssoon new yr.. hapi new yr frens

i need 10 million

yawnn.. xmas eve.. lonely xmas eve..

not going anywhere..

sians..

wish i have plans but i dun...

heart still ache for the gal..

but since she dun care, why shd i care

ermmmmmmmmmmmm


i spending alot

need to SAVE, INVEST, EARN MRE...


sians need to improve myself oso

monday blues n MC!

haha decide wan to take a break... so tml will go for a mc..

been wanting to study.. bit by bit.. very tiring..

hmm.. exams faster finish ok..


hmm i still in love with that ger

but it so impossible...


hmm maybe find new target

why ppl always tell me i wrong to feel inferior?

hmm...

no confidence in myself.. always feel inferior.. always feel the world is against me..

jincai is like that 1..

gals dun like.. that why i cant get gf...


i always love to compare.. compare life..

maybe i shd tone down my comparomg..


pls make me feel better abt myself.. pls let me forget that gal.. forget my frenship with her..


pls let me ignore her.. pls let my life to be better

sometime it better to be single n flirting.. n no commitments..

life is better that way..

no commitments...

hmmmmmmm 2 more wks to exam.. stress is coming to find me..

life.. sux

i rather work in other coy than see her cold to me..

i just wan hthe best memories

why life have to deny me that

no much of selfblaming. or blame on life will do good to me...


i can onli go on..

saturday

one day i cannot stop tinking of her..

one day i canot stop tinking of life

why i have so much worries


i wan throw away my worries n live my life..

maybe i too calculating..

maybe i tink too much

i wan change my life

all by myself

do u feel stress in life?

do u feel like u can do nth rite in this life?

i kindly invite u to kill urself

hmm then again, it is onli human nature to tell urself u can do it. u can overcome it. treasure life.

life is short. u shd treasure it..

maybe u tell urself tis is optimistic thinking

but i tell u it is all bullshit..

life is nt a bed of rose.. life can onli get worse..

hmm sometime i wan gif up..

but why cant i?

family? fren? i dunnoe.. maybe is nt my character to gif up..


but sometime it is frustrating to see ppl close to u die 1 by 1.. sumhow tink u can do more for them..

but u cannot..

somehow i wish i can die instead of them.. let other ppl mourn for me. then i mourn for them..


maybe it all part of growing up...

i wish i can die. maybe i can see how mani ppl will go my funeral

if there is a next life, i hope i wun suffer this kind of things again..

why cant i be a smiley face in the world. instead i m besieged by death, sadness, heartbreak,family problems, financial problems, life issues that nv seem to go away...

human lives r vulnerable

human life r vulnerable. things r happening everyday.. everything happen in a sec..

things that may look rosy to u in a moment may turn sour..

these 2 wks must be one of the horrifying wks i been through

although i m hapi when i receive alot of hapi bday msgs..

i receive terrible news..

my uncle went hospital.. dear ah pek.. my father's brother.. who always treat us nice food .. win toto 4d sure gif us money or treat us dinner.. family ties family bond so impt..

yet he was diagnosed with lung cancer

i cannot do anything.. i m helpless..

hmm things oso happen in work..

the underlying frustration burst into anger. when my colleague do abit wrong. which was a small matter in retrospect, i fark them.. anger at her.. burstout. den regret.. den sian whole wkend..

monday then see her cold to me.. i get more worse. den another burst of anger

been rushing to hospital these few days..

den she been so cold to me..

total cold war to me..

been aching with pain.. those pain unable to describe when u hear her smiling or laughing.. but the person she smiling to is not u..

veri pain.. very unbearable..

den thursday uncle come out.. diagnose with lung cancer.. look weak.. veri sad.. how can life change so much.

life is vulnerable

happiness is hard to get

treasure every moment..

how much longer can u look up at the sky n smile that u r still living...


n anyway do u reali look up at the sky..

sometime caught in the pace of life..

den we forget the simple stuff of life..

when can we really find peace in mind?

i dunnoe.. i still finding .. cheers..

my life is a mess

sometime i feel veri unfortunate

m i being born intoa wrong family?

although i have a wonderful siblings,

but life have never given me any chances.

although i shd say i m luckier than some ppl.

but uh i still feel other ppl r luckier in their life. they r being born into better families..
i must blame my past lives. must be accumlate too mani bad karma. now must repay back.


lol come out work when i 11.. hot hot cleaning room.. do dishwashering job.. with all the chemicals n so on.


every wkend..

pri 6 play truant becoz too stress in EM1. n handling part time work. was disillusioned with life.

just do wadeva i can... score 216..

study 4 yrs in prss.. happiest when slacking. but still nid to work during wkend. not much frens.

my life then is study home work.

16 mum die.. die after my olvls.

have to work mre. mon-fri.sat sun.

shoulder more responsibilities. but still score well in olvls.

anyhow choose course. becoz no point studying veri high. oso must go work plus family may not afford.

first yr poly work. always remb i always rush to work frm 6pm. dinner time was settled in a rushh..

unfortunate to hear the place was closing down. i was paid like 3.50 a hr..


so little hor. haiss.. but then i earn euff to pay for my poly fees n additional fees.. nv work for poly yr 2 n 3

was slacking all the way..lol.. not much motivations to study. n nt reali my cup of tea.. just wan play...

still not bad la.. poly.. all Bs and As. onli 2 D spoil my result slip

dream of going uni. but in the end hinder by the poor results. i knew i can do better. but sumhow i just dun have the desire..

in army i rediscover my desire. my fire to become more successful. i took up courses. i promise myself to make a life for myself.


now ard 1 yr plus have passed. i still feel i a failure.. hmm i guess i made alot wrong choices.

but i feel maybe if i born into a better family, maybe i will be better?

hmm if dun need work, dun nid suffer. dun nid grow ugly toes nails. spoilt by chemicals. dun have times for making more frens. gt time to play arcade
computer games , basketball..

will have better childhood..

maybe i will be a better person..

i oso dunno why i type this. just feel life is so unfair to me.. but maybe there r poorer ppl compared to me..

i m at a crossroad.

turn left or

turn right?

some ppl just have the luck. but i feel my experiences have toughened me .

i just have to push on.. with or without u

wad to do?

life is so strange.

i tot i m a guy with no temper

but i lost my temper twice in a wk? last fri n today...

last friday becoz of that issue

today i lose it again.. issit i care for her too much

maybe i going to be a bad memory in her mind le..

maybe that is as well


maybe that will reali erase her frm my mind.

today she totally gif me the cold shoulder

i offer her sweet to her.. she reject

ask her angry or not.. she say no

but obviously she avoiding me.. she always turn her head if she see me walking past..

she dun tok to me.. she dun look at me..

eat lunch. she oso buy her own food to office..

all this let me conclude that she avoiding me..

i seriously dunnoe wad to do..

later in the evening when we going home, boss ask us to settle 1 stuff before we go.. they do it earlier .. nv inform me.. but in the end they cant finish .. i help them.. they totally ignore me..

then they finsh their stuff.. but they wan run home without helping me...

wow i help them alot of times.. but sometime once u critcise ppl, they wun forget..

they wun help me le..

i guess i learn 1 new thing.. nv criticise ppl..

haiss.. i wan solve this problem. still wan be fren with her

having a love-hate relationship

lol friday i lost my temper.
very badly. guess very ungentlemanly.

boss ask me n her n 1 of colleague to clear some stuff before going off.. of course if do it together, it will be faster.. i finish my other stuff first .. my other colleague never. den she say she go to toilet. i ask her go help me do the stuff we r assigned to do it together. but in the end she never. she went back help the other colleague. ok.. i tot maybe she is like helping other colleague do her stuff fasterr. den we 3 can do our assigned tasks togetjer.. in the end i wait n wiat n try clear the stuff . but i saw them clear their stuff n pack their staff.. i confront her n say boss ask us to clear the thing together. she say can do it tml .. she wan go home. i tell her help la.. today things must do finish. drag tml den stay back tml oso wad.. wad the difference.. in the end i very rudely move off n say " dun help dun help lo.. i do"


den they go off.. later when i si bei angry. i sms some harsh stuff..

in the end when i cool down, i realise i abit harsh la.. so i sms sorrie n explain my reasons for my ourbust.

firstly, is her wrong mahz.. if she is reponsible, she will stay back to do.

second, 3 people do 1 task is of course faster than 1 person do the task rite..

thridly, i oso need rush hospital. my sis sms me my uncle suddenly move into isolated ward. suspect of tb.. abit worried.. wan go see the doctor ask since my sisters all veri inexperinced.

haiss.. this sat morning we nid to go back to clear some stuff. i saw her.. i dun have any anger le. i just wan tell her it is all over le. dun take it to heart..

but she ignore me.. ignore my sms..

i dunnoe is she xiao qi or wad.. or she cant take criticism.

i wonder wad she thinking

i reali dun understand..

gals r hard to understand

can any1 tell me?

i guess i going to let her cool off during wkend.. monday go talk to her..
hopefully she will listen to me..

haiss.. why it sound like my fault liao huh

i have been helping her all the while.. she sick i help clear her stuff.. task assign to us. i help her clear while she go home..

issit i m taken for granted??

when i ask for help, she dun help.. veri jialat la..

but i dun wan our frenship to sour..

wait office will be unbearable

bday 23

lol.. 23 le.. so old...

how ever dunnoe wad shd i wish for lei this yr?

my bday wish nv come true 1..

but ok anyway it my special day..

so to humour myself , i shall make a bday wish

i wish her to become my gf..


lol... 1 yr later maybe i see this wish come true arnot

so long nv blog

ya i m so boring..

nv come to blog becoz reali nth to blog la

i dun have bf to blog abt

i dun shop


i oso dun like to type 1 2 3 words in blog den end story

oh ya best i dun have digicam
s

so i cannt take pics

i cannt zilian

so ya.. boring blog..

so sad colleague dun like. she make it clear. i respect decision. but i cant stop tinking of her...

well i still treating her as a fren..

have abit quarrel on thurs n fri over a new guy n her. she seem frenly towards him. i guess i too pushy to pry into her affair..

so ya kana scold.. n say clearly liao. she dun like me at all. thks but dun be nice to mee

but i wun forget the times with her

wednesday always so sian

now 1230am le..

so tired

BORING LIFE.

I WAN TAKE a break

soo long nv update

reali nth much to update.

sian my wishes nv come true. i fail 1 exam.. nv go smoothly through. guess life nv smooth.

but 1 thing gd abt me. once i fallen down, i will go for more.

hmm nv give up!!

i going for ChFC qualifications. n exams is like 15 days away for the first modules.

wish me luck

nv gifup!!

life nowadays is work n home.

work is so boring. everyday paper work

home is tv n online.

haa totally no mood to study. must buck up liao.

today hapi. fill timesheet with gusto. becoz pay is coming soon!!

i gg be richer by 1 k again..;o

who wan dinner treat frm me.


but i wish to be richer. so i can do alot of things. like treat family to a holiday trip. gif them things they nv have before. who say my mum n dad r poor. they cant gif us much. so we have to strive for it..

we nv have brand new toys. we nv have brand new sch bags, shoes , shirts.

but is ok. i nv envy. becoz i have a great mum. now we r older. but i cant gif back all the love my mum have given. guess my siblings is the onli one i can gif back my gratitude.

haa.. anyway all my siblings study so good.. onli mi. i still veri lousy..

ahhh i wan be a success in a life. ehh

wad if i live to 100.. it is useless if i nv do anything great with this life!!

i feel so old

sumtime is onli me.. or maybe is i feeling old alreadi.. hmm feel no energy to do anything.

feel life is so monotonous until it so sians..

i guess there mani things in life i havent done n dare to do so.

i tink this is my worst failings.. not daring to do anything risky or bound to fail stuff..

hais come again to tink. u onli will live this life once. y nt live it as best as u can..

eat wad u can. do wad u can. travel as u can. experience as u can ..


there so much things i havent done. yet i m here tinking wad can i do

i feel so mao dun...

when can i have a companion to dare me to break my boundaries.

i feel so sian . there no ppl to brighten my life. n yet i cant brighten other ppl life

been lazy blog

nth much happen in life. so i dun blog much

all my frens go back nus ntu hide again le..

=( poor me still slaving in the bad bad corporate world

wonder when i can earn millions.. n quit the job if i dun like

looll so hard so impossible..


alreadi aug. omg onli 4 mths to yr end.

i still havent achieve much..

still far away frm my aims...

lol long time nv blog

it quite long since i last blog. beri tired. now 1am in sat morning. nth to do so i decide to blog.

for the past few wkends i been working. either events or flyers distribute. other type of jobs.

love to earn extra money. life always seem to be happier when i bz.

it dun allow me time to tink abt future.. n everything.

tat great. life is too precious to proscratinate.

hmm this wkend. i will have nth to do on sat. gt a singtel event on sunday. earn abit. tat good.

ok. must blog abt my work. life seem to be veri bz during wkdays. alot tings to do. but ok la gt nice colleaggues. hopefully i can finish my contract. fufil my obligations.

i tink i like my colleague . she so nice n cute. been keep chatting with her . she oso seem to have gd impression abt me. but too bad i too low quality. maybe shd earn mre money. den can court gals.

lol.. how i wish life is so simple.

but i always complicate stuff.

duno when i can nxt blog

i feeling sleepy @ 130am?

wow getting to slp earlier n earlier

hmm yesterday i slp at 11pm wor


tat was like so rare


hmm nw ard 2am i alreadi cannt tahan


hmmm some1 ask me why i expect so little frm llifE?

how every1 wish to have super interesting life

yet i wan a mundane life

i feel confused now

bbut is it time now?

dreams seem so far yet i feel i m able to achieve it.......

when can i truly feel hapi

maybe tat been the question tat will use my whoole life to find a answer to.......


=)

old frens are always better

start to remind me of good old days.. wonder how fast time have passed me by

stll remb i a young little boi who step into sec sch .. go thruugh 4 different classes.. 1e3. 2 e1. 3e2. 4e2

things seem so far yet so clear to me... alot of old frens faces i suddenly remb.. i start to wonder wad they doing..

wonder wad have happen to make us drift apart after a few yr. 10 yrs have passed... since i sec 1

n it seem nt so long ago... the young teenager have become a grown man... similarly his frens have done so n soar high in their respective lives.. some have married.. some have children.....

it really seem nt so long ago we r sitting together in a class having fun together.. having recess.. playing soccer after school.. it seem nt so long i have crushes on my fellow female class mates n they all have grown into fine woman.. it also seem nt so long that i have made fun n tease many of them,, yet they still remb me ..still remb my names.. although some of the names have nt come to my mind tat so easily.. but i nv forget they have once made a impression in my life...

wow.. ii guess i have made some impression on some ppl afterall.. i guess i nt a useless person anyway...

i seriously hapi.. wad made me suddenlt write this blog.. becoz this wk i suddenlt mit alot of sec sch frens out of evverywhere.. everywhere i see is my sec sch frenn.. n the best ting is they remb mee.. lol..

hmm i guess i have nt lived my life in vain.. i shd continue to make a impression on ppl life.. hopefully a day i will be a nice memory in their mind..

haiss.. i reali feel nostaglic abt the old times in sec sch frens.. it seem so carefree compared to now.. haa.. so i guess old frens r always better..

nowadays ppl seem to have no time for another...

i guess 10 yrs frm now.. if u r looking now, i perhaps r tinking of how i m meeting u at this moment of time

cailian. online in irc f4. meet at tamp mall in my ugly clothes

amelia. online in irc. meet at tanjongpagar mrt with her bf

lijun. onlin in irc. meet at kbox cineleisure

chienwen .. online in irc.. meet at plaza singapura...

it seem nt so long ago we meet.. now we r doing well in our different ways..

wonder in 10 yrs times.. r we still tinking of hhow we made a impression in each person lives

cheers to every1.. enjoy ur lives

i tired..long wk of " rest" gg b over

such a long wk of rest.. so tired..... lol keep find lobang. but cant find much..
sian..


any ppl gt wkend lobang must intro me k...


july 2 start work

another cycle start again

3 am

why i nt sleeping yet?

becoz i dun feel like slping lei

hais i dun tinnk i have alot of frens....

nowadays ppl keep leaving me

when can the world be a hapi place for me?

why lifee seem so bbig n darkk..

dreams seem to be big but without ppl sharing the dream with u,

it seem nth to talk abt.. even if achieve it, it is nt enjoyable at all

i so sad

ok boring sat

nth to do??????


si bei siann...


still reading up on financial planning stuff..

borrow a few books..

wan to earn extra money somehow


1 million by 30 yr old

i gt my job

ol lazy update...

but i gt my job le..

will start on july 1

4 offers choose 1 .actuali quite hard.. but i choose highest pay


well my job details..

great eastern 1.8k 6 mth contract

with completion bonus a mth salary ...

sound alot wor

i also surprised.. hm i also dunnoe i m worth so much

i tot i a worthless junk

wish me luck on my job k.

haiss where my long lost netfren..lijun peishan cuiting minmin amelia......

jobs offffer.. i felt fuckeduuuppbylife

hmm lost 150 over 3 days..

serious shit.. i become a serious gambler.. can any1 help me quit?

i so long nv see frens le.. wonder wad they doing..

hmm receive 2 different kind of offers..

1 is 1.8k great eastern..

the other is 1.6 national healthcaregrp

both gt its pro n cons..

seriiously feellike shit..

wad to chooose lei?

interview galore.. wkend shag

life so tiring

lol sat went do event @ jurong bird park.. abit hectic n disorganised..

hmmm but okk la.. at least a day go by

sunday whole day online n slp n rest


today went iinterview galores.. 2 agent interview n 3 company interviews.. damn shagged..

hmm alrite la.. dunnoe do well arnot.. hmm latefor first 1.. do ok in second n third..

haha.. well i alreadi tio offered a job for the third jjjob..

but dunnoe wan to take arnot

becoz it is damn far...

n damn funny

national healthcare grp ppolyclinic..=0

well i m tiredd now...

can other company offer me jobs.. i will reply ppl on wed...

tml 3 mre interviews to go

oh havent update blog for long time

ok.. been busy with exams.. 2 weeks 5 paper.. nt easy at all.. althooough sometime i wan to give up, but i aim to strive on n do my best... but haiss.. life seem to go against me. hope i can pass all papers.. nth much to update except alot of days spent studying.. shagged

now looking towards future challenges.. havent map them oout..

but i tink i gt several short term plans n long term plans to think of..


haiss.. nxt post den discuss.. abit tired..

been going interviews today
damnshagg

caught in the rain n kana drench like noboody biz..

another exciting interviewing day in a day of jincai life..

but meet a chiobu hr woman

chiochiochio.....

nxt wk gt more interviews.. hopefully can secure a post fast euff..

i wan a a job

hmm stttudy stop start

to be honest with myself, i arent concentrating on exams.. ah

5 papers.. 14 days of survival of the fitness...

the mst impt periood of my life in this yr

success of failure?

depend on my will..

damn sad to be nt concentrating

any tips/


3 days to go.. mission hell weeek

tml is mY last day of wOrk

ok last day of work.. tired of this company liao.. lol.. wow i actuali work 2 mth.. wad a record.. nxt job i aiming for 1/2 yr record..lol

work n work like slave.. tough company to be iin..=( but learn alot.. i do ap ar......in charges of local payments and invoicing those oversea cable companies.. lol.. so fun.. dealing with all those gbp inr usd.. so mani currencies... so mani bank recon to handle too.. abn dbs scb.....in different currencies.. awww oso in charging of filing.. do those payment n receipts vouchers and inputing data.... lol tink improve my doouble entry liao

i such a slave in the company.. last few days in company was bz with scanning document.. i spent whole day scan today.. leg stand until so suan..

tml last day .. tink do the same thing.. scanning n filing.. haha sian no mood liao..hopefully tml can go home early

den thursday le public holiday

must buck up in studies le.. been slacking.. last stretch of road le.. i will survive

a day of fun sun n soccer

today finali bring alot of frens together to play soccer..it so relaxing n destressing.. but tink again.. lol it back to daily grind n groove of life.. damn sian.. but reali enjoy 3 hrs of soccer..

damn shagged.. damn hot.. but in the end a few hrs of laughter, goals, a scraped knee, calves pains, a missed penalty

life is not perfect after all.. but it is this little n few moment of joy that make it perfect...

while understanding life has its up n down, we shd remember more of the joy and strive forward..

seriously i dun tink i have tempered down my ambitions.. but i tink wad i wan is those little moment of pure happiness

doing things u wan,,, but in life, how u can manage to do it..

so on top of my ambitions, i aim to be happy and doing things i like..

whho care how ppl think.. in the end u r onli accountable to urself n ur family n ur frens..

dun be a failure.. but success is wad i define..

i wan to be a success where i bring joy to every1

even if i die, i will leave with a smile.. knowing i have nt lived this life in vain

would u be there......... for me?

now ch 8 gt a nice song which had been playing on the show mars vs venus..

it is titled would you be there...

hmm it sound very sweet n the lyrics are nice

the singer sound very sad..


how every1 wish there is somebody to be there for him..

hmm where is my that one?

hais no frens no buddies.. i m alone

exams sux

kinda feel crap. now is 4 am in the morning.. i quite satisfied at the rate i studying tonite.. but i still gt many more to study.. more to learn.. i feel like dying.. but i must motivate myself.. becoz i only gt 1 life.. n time is a scarce resource... must persist on...

dreams r nth without effort


i cannot give up on my dreams..


i getting crap in work.. abit attitude liao.. since leaving the company n stress abt the exams.. wanted to leave the company soon.. still gt12 more days.. damn shagged.. how i finish this period

sometime i hope life will go on veri slow.. so tat i can enjoy every moment in my life.. i have so much to do.. i nv been oversea.. i nv sit on aeroplane although i sit in super puma n chinnook before..i nv be able to sample other countries culture.. sumtime i wonder is it tat which cause my vision to be narrow. i nt a open minded person.. i keep to myself.. maybe tat why i tink too much.. n maybe tat why i tend to be un happy..

sumtime happiness is a choice.. but sumhow i could not take the choice.. every1 seem bz.. but i m here wondering abt life.. i feel so dead.. i gt so mani ting to do.. but time so little n fast....

why dun time slow down.. let me enjoy my life more.. n remb more...

oh n a belated hapi mother day to all mothers.. be glad u r enjoying this day with ur children.. =) sumtime a day on life is quite blissful...why would ppl wan to die.. when ppl have no choice but god have to bring them home...

life is so precious.. treasure ur life.. enjoy ur life.. b happy.. b sad.. it part n parcel of life.. dream more .. do more.. but dun regret ur life

been lazy to update

lol.. nothing to update.. erm just given notice.. gg quit at the end of mth..

just received letter frm ntu.. tio reject again.. sian..

hmm dunnoe wad to feel now.. i oso cannt ascertain wad i m feeling rite now..

confused.. duno wad to do? wad can i do?

life is full of rejections n failures.. but why did my failures always come when i wan do my best??

lol.. i guess i did not take my opportunities when it come.. now it no time to regret le..

wad can i do? seriously i dunnoe..

i just 1 step walk 1 step.. future seem so dark yet again...

wat can i do?

no 1 can advise me.. ... ..

wat is life?

i always tok cok 1

lol.. actuallly i guess i overestimmate myself.. i just a piece of junk... lying in the junkyard.. living in past glories.. now i old le.. brain slow liao.. cannt tink liao.. still tinking of achieving great things............wad acca.. wad first class honor.. wad ntu.. it all lies to cover my weakness.. i a weak person attention seeker.. no use no brain.. hais. wad i can do.. wallow in self pity.. tinking the world will change for me like tat.. or coontinue to fight on.. continue to feel the despairing feeling of sadness.. i feel so dead.. wad i have in my life to fight on for.... maybe i shd go back to my poly life.. slack all the way.. go online pian xmm... lol.. knw alot of girls .. now chat with them ... meet them .. so fun .. so exciting n unpredictable.. but in the end i still single n unwanted.. n those so called frens have all seem to have thier stufff to do while i wallow in here.. i m so dead.. must be my fault.. must be my fault..

becoz of my personality , becoz of my choices, becoz of my mistakes. i m so born to suffer.. i guess i need a break

blogging for awhile

i wan to blog 1.........................................................




































buti hungry now.. see u later

sunday aftermoon

feel so lazy.. life is damn boring...

i feel

ok my close frens all exams finish.. den can go out with them.. but life is sooooooooooooooooo boring..

becoz i think there is no challenge in my life..

on a sidennote, i keep eating

i grow fat le

any1 wan meet meeeeeeeeeeee?

any ppl
so boringgggggggggggggggg

did i overestimate myself?

till now, i havent receive my ntu or nus acceptance letter.. so did i realli overestimate myself in tinking i will succeed in wadeva i want.. i dunnoe why i work or dream so hard,, wad is success.. i wonder..issit becoz i wan be a different person

i want get wad i wan.. n wad i dream... then maybe i wun call my life as a wasted life...

bur i rink sometime i set too high standards for myself.. or tink too highly of myself.. wad acca.. wad first class honor.. wad ntu engineer.. wad double dgree.. lol i oso feel not so confident in getting my dippploma in this jun.. so fast.. 1 mth den exams le.. 5 paper.. route to success or failure??

everyday i feel so tired.. work so hard n no time to revise.. or issit i no discpline?

i wonder why m i thinking of this way.. whyi nt born a scholar.. m i really so limited in wat i m going to achieve

my frens often thoought well of me.. say i smart n blah blah blah........

but m i really smart clever hardworking/

i feel so useless.. did i come so far in order to wallow in despair?

can some1 give me a word of comfort?

study whole day .. onlli study 137 pages..

i getting old.. cant concentrate on books


keep taking breaks .........



hais mei ren li wo.. mei ren ai wo


lonely kia =/

i feel i neglecting my blog

long time nv post here le.. been busy with work.. as usual OT alot.. wad to do

SMu ask me for interview... seriously i dunnoe,, go or nt to go.. my aim is nt to go smu.. would prefer ntu or nus style of teaching.. becoz i veri " dead" 1.. onli know how to study..............


ssian... ntu or nus nv give me letter.. m i reject... i feel so siansss

on one end, i wan to go uni to study.. on another end i wan earn money n i dun tink i have euff for my uuni studies.. even thooough i can take loan n blah blah blah.. but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

imagine jincai nus. or ntu student.. will u be proud of me

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 days

haha.. crazzy.. counting the days i get my hand on my wages..

work till sian le.. too mani funi thing to do in this company...

morning move stuff ard .. need to prep for auditors... then do bank recon(my mst hated jb). den do recepit vouchers. den key in joournal entries.. n invoices.. learn new things abt sap//


nxt job i tink i wan find a audit job or a tax job or a payroll job..lol no more ap for me

i tired of it...

now is 16 days n counting.. hopefully i can break my long standing record of being employed not more than 2 mths in a single company.. i can do it de..

summarizing the week

well.. so fast finish a wk le.. quite hapi although i made a few mistakes.. i hope nxt wk will be a better one.. i must concentrate on work n sstudies..


haiss... veri sad now.. i wonder if i m tooo irritating sometimes.. doin stupid things..

i guess i shd keep to myself more.. dun disturb other ppl le..

she have her happiness..

i have my studies.. so sian study study in hope of making my life better.. making my mother proud

but in the end, i feel emptiness in my heart..

i really m wondering wad m i doing..

m i doing wad i wan?

i reali tired of life... hais why i always like girls who r attached n wun like me 1.. devote too much feeling le..

maybe is becoz of studies ba.. den i anyhow tink.. i guess humans r weird..

odds r stacked against me

Been busy with OT

life is so bz de.. ot ot ot .. when come back home, must study study study

but in the end nth goes in.. n lay in bed sleep till nxt nite le

reali jialat.. even now i cannt tahan now.. tink i going slp soon

sian.. nowadays energy level low.. last time can pia to 4 5 am..
den go back camp work at 7 wor

but i guess army is different frm workplace..

workplace is alot use brain de.. jialat.. i cannt tahan..

hmm 2 wks had passed.. n i know new ppl new guys.. new working environment..

enjoy very much but i will quit before exams in order to revise for it..

hais dun like to quit.. but sometime is betterr to find different kind of jobs this yr,. try try

lol 1 thing i dun like abt this job is lots of OT while u dun get paid...

haiss.. my tour of duty is chartered semicon. His. sony..

where will be my next stop..

wad will i see n know.. i wonder..

tsk tsk dun talk sso much,,, back to studies..

Tears will not let you enjoy the beauty of the stars

worries worries

from day to nite we all worry

making decision on the ways

pondering whether u had make the right choice arnot

hoping something good happen to u

but somehow thing dun conspire to be the way u want to be..

but u shd never forget to see the nite sky after a day of worrying..

looking at the stars which shine brightly for u

every star represent ur fren, ur family

looking after u, shower the tough route with light for u

i guess i nv falter.. when i have u...

i hope u be by my side forever...

tears will neever let me forget u. the star tat so bright..

i nv forget u

easter friday

hmm easter le.. apr le.. time goes fast

hmm now i blogging at 230am..lol.. so late le.. tml still gt work.


seriously no life here.. studying my t7 for the whole day.. but somehow nth goes in

still gt 1 mth exams le .. scary

olvl exams coming soon

i hope i do well
i hope my life will be smooth..


i tired of difficult life

sony job

new mth new start

april le.. it been 4 mth since i ord.. still havent achieve much,.. bank havent yet 1 k yet.. so sian..

wad to do?

start new job in sony..

veri tired these few days.. keep ot.. work till 8 plus as need to help in closing accounts..

i no wonder whether i m suited for accounts.. abit headache to keep look at figures..

hais but wad else can i do..

my IT skills nt tat zai to earn big bucks..

accounting my onli way oout

unless i went to engineerring in ntu or further study in uol business
hehe

i wan study business in deg lvl lei.. bbut no money

acca i also wan

m i being too greedy...

anyway yeah feeling gd in cAT.. hoping to pass all... n then go into acca in coming july

knnccbknsccb

why life nv go my way 1? i wan go this way but pian pian they go their way.. i veri tired of stupid life..

love reading financial n life management books.. been going to TIMES N MPH go see see look look

dun have money to buy lei .. 1 blk 30 dollars... machiam i can eat 1 wk outside le..

damn sad.. why my life is full of shit ??

been losing money in soccer. it been a losing venture.. hais.. lose nearly 400 dollars.. knnccbknsccb...

this wk whole wk slack,.. nth to do.. no part time job do oso.. waiting for apr.. so tat i can continue working..

nw work at sony.. hopefully can work beyond 1 mth.. earn big bucks,.. b happy

now i serioously considering nt to go study full time becoz.. i tink i have adapted to this life.. working life

although it sux, bbut i love to see my salary being credited into my acct.. going study will seriously hamper my sources of income.. hmm although if i grad, i will earn 2 thousand n more.. but there is no guarantee..


maybe i shd study degree part time la.. maybe easier.. maybe nt recognizable.. but can earn when u study.. though streess.. but i dun mind stress.. i love money n strresss....

hmm can any1 advise me on wad to do?

25 mar 07 3am

i was once again onlline so late.. becoz i dun feel sleepy..
haiss..

nth to update..
tmlgo class
i tink.
hoope i wake uup..
i wan earn big bucks
i wan be chua jincai, millionaire

today mar 23

soon it will be apr.. it will be 3 mths gone since the start of yr.. to do a summarize.. wad have i done
actuali nt much,, change a few job .. enrol few course. determine to finish my cat by jun.. but need alot of financial resource n will. becoz the exam will be like olvls.. hais.. i still bankrupt ..lol i eat biscuit for lunch n i stay at home as much as possible.. how to achieve my 20k by this yr end? erm i dun even have 10 dollars in my bank acct

life looking harder n harder..

just ended my his job on wed... lol it been a educating tour ard the job industry,, learn abit but dun tink euff..

learn my social skills is reali very poor , can mark F for it

it will serioously hinder my quest for financial freedom!

ok all my wants n needs i havent achieve yet..

for next 9 mths,, i hope i will do better in life..

2007 can u be more kinder to me?

hmm lovelife a blank.. career a blank... jincai is totally useless.. thanks

i wonder wad she doing now

a gal called me yesterdya while i watch tv..

unfamiliar voice.. she talk to me.. ask me guess who she is.. i guess veri long..

bt after awhile, i find her voice familiar..

i tink is ade..the woman who make my life so much brighter n so much darker

i gt special feelings for her.. but we r onli meant to be frens..


hmmm she veri notti 1.. keep denying she is ade

she call me today.. hmm can hear all her trademarks speech..

i wonder when i can see my fated onee.....

tmlwork

work n work.. but must tahan.. i gt a dream.. n i wan to achieve it

soccer heals

yea.. i always love soccer on wkends..

soccer is a major passion in my life

it heals my sadnesss.. n drive me further..

life is full of ups and downs..

dun wallow in sorrow n go on to get more targets

today score a wonderful goal..dribble past 2 person.. den shoot with my weaker foot, left foot.. to is like 20 m away.. on the half way line of the court... i heard chants of cristano ronaldo frm my teamates.. i so pleased:P

god pls dun give me any more sad things... i just wan play soccer and score goals

444th post

die as this moment of time.. heart stop feeling

but passion nv die.. still yearning for u




p.s kaypohs dun see my blog...this may or may nt be my true feelings..

untitled again

have u wondered how to cry in front of a dead person.. i remember...

tears cant stop flowing.. yet u cant stop it....

now at this moment, i want to cry but nno tears come out...

it has dried frm numerous disappointment i have over my life..

u can never wan to live my life

1-6 cooped up in hse.. always play alone.. play imaginary games.. wonder when will i have a fren

7-12 i onli remb hse.. i nv remb frens schools.. i dun tinnk there ever a pri sch mate who r still close to me now

it always home n home.. me n my 4 walls n books...

pri 6 sch too stress.. teacher torture me.. always pinch my ears.... play truant.. the sight of my mum cryying in
front of my principal. i m disappointed.go to em1 study higher chinese. in the end disappoint mother.

a pure disappointment in life

sec school sch home work soccer work n work.work work work
i onli remb going to do dish washing jjob..wkend is full of work.. wash till my leg pain.. skin peel
in the end money just go in bank.. i know mother good.. wan us earn money so infuture wun so xin ku
yet i a disappointment again

a pure disappointment in life. i get 6 A for my olvls.. hoping to go to jc... go for 3 mth course. dun understand literature. cannt understand ang moh teacher.. cried in frt of him. den dun go le

mother died in may 2001. decided to go poly. paartly becoz of mother died n jc failure

a disappointment in life.

worked in dishwashing full time. mon to sun. at nite.. poly time. 1st yr. after the food court closed , stopped working
began gambling n spending alot. lose all i earn last few yrs. ard 1 k n the rest went into studies.

a disappointment in life.. plus nv scoore well in poly.

for 6 mths after poly. slack at home. no interest to work.

a disappointment in life

army toughened me up.alot thing to learn. yet i keep bungling.

a disappointment in life

in 2006 i decide to buck up. tried improve myself. my life,. my everything.

wan to achieve alot of things.


in 2007, i feel disheartened.

becoz i a disappointment in life. wad can i say

untitled post

sumtime i feel worthless living iin this world.. why i always seem to envy wad ppl have.

ppl have car ppl have lover ppl have money ppl have status.. but i have nth....

i dream of having.. but sumtime this is onli a dream..i cannt hope to dream of having it in this life

becoz i born to be poor? many r born to be rich.. many r born to be clever.. but sumehow i m born to be
poor..

somehow i hate myself for being myself..

hate myself for mani reasons
1) why i have to see my mum die in frt of me
2) why i have to be so useless
3) why i cant overcome myself and be a better person
4) why cant i bring happiness to every1

so mani reasons to hate me.. i already hate myself.. so do u hate me

it so heart wrenching to see some1 who u love die in front of u...

it also very heart wrenching to see the gal u love is holding other guy hand.

monday coming.. another wk of work

6 working days.. wah seem so long.. i hope i can finish it nice nice

finsiih this long mth........
it seem veri long now.........


haiss.. mar 5.. den mar 30---- 25 days mre.. iwill finish it de..

i work for my pay!!

wkend sian.. except playing soccer with chenwei
why cant i play every wk..

so tired wkends

hais.. first time work 5 1/2 day.. wake up early in this morning.. went to work
n key invoices.. so sian...

woah den i hav to be in charge of petty cash.. is lllike so mani stuff to do

nnow i in ap section... telll me wad shd i go learn mre mre

whole wk so tired/.. now is 3am still blogging


i wan go study.. veri slack nowadays.. exmas coming.. 3 mre mth..

cannt slackk..

i hope the following wk will be better for me
i love amelia:P

first day of work mar 1

lol start wrking le..although tiring n monotonous, it is at least something to do.. dun like being at home but
dun like being at work too

lol hopefully can work long but dun tink so

working environment abit sucky

n fuk i wrk on sat morning too for a fking little money

i work in jap firm with a gay boss n lots of jap ppl n filipinos

no singaporeans in my sectioon at all

nobody my age...

siannn... ok i go sleep soon

update the blog soon

start new job

find new job le

hopefully can work longer

jiayou jincai

i believe in myself... i believe in the future

hmm these few days is so frustrating for me.. no income days is always frustrating..zzzzzz

do nth but apppply job go interviews and msn.. sian.. now try perm jobs so abit tough.. i guess i shd take a temp
job to relieve my money woes..

i need alot of cash.. i suffocating frm a lack of money.. nobody can support me...
i can support myself onli

haiz.

i born outcast... i reali veri tired

why i so fuked up?

I really have a disappointing week..I hate to think of the future weeks to come..

first on wed, i reported work to pacific star on wed.. sumore come early @ 845.. the person in charge wasnt there.,.

i was left there waiting in the meeting room for like about 1 hour..
ok i dun mind that becoz i was being paid sitting there..

then a woman bring me to thier office.. she wasnt the woman in charge of me.. i blur blur follow her..
den she led me to a desk.. say i will be working there.. wah n i can get to use a laptop .. o n it was customised for me.. namely i gt my user login and a email..

quite professional the IT dept..

i was dumped there to do filing.. which in afterthought i do it quite slowly... but haizz..do so much also gt nothing to do.. do finish ... i was told to cancel a entry in oracle n reenter a invoice..well they r using a revised version of oracle.. which i had seen before but nv really touched it before i leave chartered semicon. It was newly launched
in chartered.

i told the supervisor that.. hmm den thier face changed..lol.. i tink i quite slow to catch up with the new interface.
but overall after exploring, i tink i can handle the application well..
hmm after ta, i was taught to write up a cross cheque.. wah first time do lei
but it qiute interesting..

after lunch, i was left to do filing again.. most of the staff was on leave...

hmm to sum up, i dun tink i m nt capable for the job.. just tat i tink they expect a more experienced person for
the job.. n they nt willing to train me... fuk up lo.. i wan to learn mre lo..

at least i get tto wrrite up a check n key in invoice.. wun be so noob..

haizz..fuk the wk continue with me bettin for the first time since jan...

bet blackburn win bt they draw... n it like they gt no desire to win although they trailing..

sumtime i tink when everything goes against u, it really hit u like a truck

i really feel demoralised... haiz.. money problems.. job problems..

when can i reali have no problems..can any1 tell me

no more shit pls.. i really cannt take it..

peaceful cny

ok passed my exams.. albeit lesser then i expected.. but all in all, i can advance to other papers...

t5-t10.. 5 more papers in 1 shot.. well my most difficult task of all time.. machiam taking olvls...

haha..hopefully can ace it

i wan study 2.1, 2.2 ,2.3 this coming july..

okie okie.. veri peaceful cny.. went cousin hse on first day.. although kana forced.. but enjoy myself very much

they r my extended family.. i guess i will need to depend on them if or when i need help.. similarly i guess i will help them when they need help..

tml starting work.. so scary... hate starting work.. but bo bian.. i so fuked up... =)

eh nobody see my blog le.. i tink.. nowadays dun feel like chatting with ppl.. dunnoe wad they doing le

my frens r dwindling by the moment.. this is a moment for self explore..

i wan.. n i must do it.................

hapi cny every1

happi chinese new year every1..

gong xi fa cai..

i so tired wor.. just went hougang shop n play soccer.. damn shagged

old liao.. friday went plaza singapura n junction 8

shagged..

new yr new start..

i hope myself n family a gd year ahead.. esp me.. i wan my CAT, driving license this yr.. n a place in uni!!

i so pooor.. feel so poor

reali lack cash.. damn sad....n i living day frm day

now it seem hard to find job.. nt mani ppl find me sia

where can i find job security??? where can i find money??

now i must wrk hard, tink hard, n focus..

tink becoz i tink too far ahead into the future, then i tend to screw up the present

must wrk hard n tink for the day..

tink becoz i nv serious n concentrate on chartered job, tat why i screw up

i tink i lack abit motivations to complete study le... can i finish wad i started.. cna i get CAT?
den get ACCA?

arghh must work hard..

i applied for uni again.. even if it is false hope, it is still a hope for me to live on
ah valentine time lonely again

probably working

tired of life

well today is my last day in charter.. n i took leave.. so my actual last working day is yesterday..say gdbye to the temps who work there.. they quite frenly.. just blame me for veing too quiet.. cannt go know them mre..
they all meinus.. haa.. den i add them in frenster...


a job is abt getting contacts n experience.. well i learn quiiite alot there.. nt bad...

i learn abt the accounting field in general.. noe tat the onlli way to make it is to go to auditing line.. or investment bankingline.. commercial line payrise too slow..

accounting work is quite tedious n repetitive..lol.. quite boring actually

well i knw more abt the accounting field in general.. so i quite hapi

know tat time pass fast.. quite a few of them regret wasting thier time in life..
i shall treasure my time in life...

n live to fight another day..
wish mi luck on getting another job!

lost job..devastated

just lost job..

devastated..


dunnoe wad to tink..

current state bewildered..

wad wrong did i do?

no mood.................

ok it is monday

how times pass...

a wkend so fast finsih le.. nv do much
just edgin towards payday

hope this wk shun shun li li.. i will work hard!

sunday le

wad a sad blog post..

in a happier note.. enjoy say tremendously..

edging towards payday..

edging towards uni application

edging towards alot of decisions to be made..

i rather wan make decision than tink of decistion

need to be decisive in life and live by ur decision

wkends le

i guess i need to be resolute in my quest for my dreams n hopes...i know i not in life for the money..

i dun know wad i living for.. hmm i gt no illusion of being a rich guy or a guy who have a wife or family.. just living happily..

i nv fall in love n i dun know whether i will ever fall in love

i gt lots of frens.. close frens.. n a gd family.. i treasure them.. maybe tat why i live on

seriously i gt tink of dying before.. but somehow god dun let me die..

hmm i seriously cannt find any reason to live.. except my family n frens...

hmm tat why i devise goals.. things i need to achieve.. n hope i will achieve... i will live life with a optimistic outlook.. enjoy wad u can enjoy..

i have adopted my mother hopes for me as goals to live on.. being a success in studies..

seriously ACCA n ntu engineering degree(tentatively bbecoz i may nt go in becoz my result sux) does not mix.. does not help me in finding the perfect job....

it will cost money n effort n lots of white hair stress slpless nites.. social life sacrificed..

but i wan go for both.. becoz it is tough.. it is damn hard... i know it will kill me.. but i wan get it..

i dun wan live life without doing something tat will make my mum n myself hapi

for myself, i tink getting both qualification will make me hapi .. at least i can die without regret..

for this, i live on.. for this i hope my life gt meaning...

i must chiong

some1 tell me.. if u sit there n tink, u will nv get it

at least u must go try go ask..

maybe u will get it

find it so true.. honestly i need to do mre of that

when everything is down. jincai is nv down

quite bored with life.. but is ok de..

i just need cash.. still so long .. mth end.. den onli fri den can go bank draw.. which mean feb 3.. which mean still gt17 days..arghh.. cannt take it.. still nid to return money i owe...

haiz.. i hope i have euff for myself...

life@chartered is just smooth sailing.. everything is easy to do.. it just take time... hmm i still dunnnoe how to tok to woman.. still so shy.. =(

there r quite a few chiobu.. all older than me.. but who cares?? hahahaha..

awww. how i wish some1 will take notice ofme.. a young man working silently at a corner..

hmm now i know charter ppl all use acca to go into charter finance dept.. hmm some nt even clear lvl 2

so hahahaha.. jiayou jincai... to have a better future is to work hard...

ok long time nv blog.. 1 wk to be exact.. lazy to blog n erm bz with wrk bahz.. or rather say been wrking.. nt veri bz in office.. basically like army..wake up @6 rush out of hse @ 7
first parade @ 8am.. den lunch at 12...
come back wrk till 530

den den trable home... usuali reach home @ 7

by then will be tired? not reeali.. i still enjoy watching tv n surfing net.. but lazy to blog

hahaha.. hopefully nxt few mth is lidat .. i looking forward to receive my first pay!!! first time earn more than 1 thousand!!!

dunnoe wad to buy.. dunnoe wad to do....

1llet me see the option avaiable to me

1) go for driving lesson

pros
1) get a license
2) challenging
3) can hao lian to lijun:P amelia n ermmmmmmm..........

cons
1) no interest
2) too expensive
3) need time


2) invest in more cat modules

pros
1) finish course earlier
2) go to lvl 2 in july n erm able to study wad cailian study.. can communicate
3) more confident in passin the cat modules than driving license

cons
1) very expensive
2) very stressful in terms of time n money taken


hiaz.. hard to choose.. but pay must come in.. now rubbing hand in glee

><
lol just nw went eat dian xin.. nt bad.. but moouth gt two ulcer.. eat damn pain.. haa.. then too tired.. abit gong gong de..

llolllllllllllllll.......... see joycelyn there... with her buddy or butch frens?
wish myself this 6 mth wrk go as smoothly as this wk

first day of work!!

now blogging at 630am.. going to work soon.. hah slp ard 1.. now wake up abit gong gong.. sian..
reali dunnoe wad to expect.. hopefully thing will go smoothly... nth special happen.. just normal routine work..
i dunnoe wad things i gg to do.. just hope i can manage it..

many many thing to tink of.. hope today goes well...

sat slack.. summarize whole wk

ok.. prata session on dec 31..eat till 6.. veri hapi.. being ard frens is always so enjjoyable.. why cant i spend my days onli ard frens.. dun worry abt life.. money.. future.. work.. studies..bf or gf.. or wadeva.. there are crazy thingsto consider n think..

jan 1 later afternn play billards.. keep beo gals.. while i n cw talk abt " grandslam".. hahaha.. fun..

jan 2.. onli go walk ard bugis area n billards again

jan 3.. slack whole day at home.. back to reality.. keep apply job..
jan 4 go interviews n interview jan 5 also.. jan 5 get news tat i being signed on contract..by standard charter smi conductor i tinklo.. woodland.. so far.. but heng heng gt transport frm tamp mrt... near my hse.. erm dunno whether my pay is realli my total pay for the month ie take home plus cpf

really hope so...

nxt wk another wk of ermmm new stuff.. scary.. new start...

yea been doing flyer distribution for a few days.. damn shagged.. leg pain... nth too update

new yr new resolutions

2007 had come.. n i quite sad now.. becoz i lost 20 dollars.. wad i earn frm amk temp job.. knn.. sian.. dun like lose money but bo bian no money.. need money.. so i need to find more sources of money.. sianz..

how?how?how?

Resolutions

1) i shd bet money that is deemed extra... but i tink i shd nt bet at all.. but bo bian i deem it as investing...

2) i shd be more daring, outgoing and willing to achieve wadeva i want

3) i want get into ntu or nus

4) i wan save money n get abt 20,000 dollars in bank

5) i wan finish CAT


Wishes

1) get a gf i really will love and be with her forever

2) win 4D or buy winning stocks which earn me thousand of bucks

3) make more frens, expand social circles and gain more working experiences

4) learn driving and get the license at first try

5) be able to get wadeva i wish for in 2007 first day and those stuff i written in my targets list

6) to be able to travel to at least 1 country